A Few Good Eggs: 9/1/08

Negative...false alarm. I'm not pregnant. Stupid that I thought I was.

Appointments and Dates to Remember

Beta#1 10/3/09 (13dpo) 196
Beta#2 10/5/09 (15dpo) 554
Beta#3 10/8/09 (18dpo) 2783
First RE Ultrasound 10/18/09 (6w)
Second RE Ultrasound 10/27/09 (7w2d)
OB Appointment 11/2/09 (8w1d)
Reassurance Scan w/ RE 11/9/09 (9w1d)
OB Appointment 11/18/09 (10w3d)
NT Scan 12/1/09 (12w2d)
OB Appointment 12/3/09 (12w4d)
OB Appointment 12/28/09 (16w1d)
Elective Gender Scan 12/30/09 (16w3d)
ER San Ramon Regional 1/10/10 (18w)
ER Tracy Sutter 1/11/10 (18w1d)
OB ER Follow-up 1/12/10 (18w2d)
Officially on Bedrest 1/12/10 (18w2d)
Anatomy Scan 1/20/10 (19w3d)
OB Appointment 1/22/10 (19w5d)
L&D San Ramon Regional 1/31/10 (21w)
OB Appointment 2/4/10 (21w4d)
Peri/OB Appointments 2/17/10 (23w3d)
No more bedrest! 2/18/10 (23w4d)
OB Appointment 3/3/10 (25w3d)
L&D San Ramon Regional 3/12/10 (26w6d)
Peri/OB Appointments 3/17/10 (27w3d)
OB Appointment 3/31/10 (29w3d)
L&D San Ramon Regional 4/9/10 (30w5d)
Peri/OB Appointments 4/14/10 (31w3d)
NST/OB Appointment 4/21/10 (32w3d)
NST/OB Appointment 4/28/10 (33w3d)
NST/OB Appointment 5/5/10 (34w3d)
Peri/OB Appointment 5/12/10 (35w3d)

I Will Be a Wonderful Mother

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

A Few Good Eggs

Sunday, September 27, 2009

9/1/08 - BFN

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