3/4/09 - Darn that FSH level

WTF? It just wouldn't be a day in my miserable, crappy, barren world if I didn't get bad news everytime I had a glimmer of good news. My FSH came back higher. My egg quality and quantity is worsening and my ovaries are beginning to fail. WHY the hell is this happening to me?

Dr. Hinckley said she wasn't surprised - she could tell by the amount of medication that she needed to stimulate my ovaries to superproduce, that my FSH testing high in May was not a fluke. She said when you're in your 20's and early 30's, your FSH bounces around a lot between 2 and 6. She said when you start to get into your high 30's and early 40's, it doesn't bounce down as much, rather it begins on the incline that heads you towards menopause. I'm still a ways away from perimenopause - that happens at a level of 25 so I'm half way there.

With FSH, they want to see it between 2 and 10 for optimal birth rates. Between 10 and 12, the rates are slightly compromised. Between 12 - 15, rates are compromised and the ovaries are harder to stimulate, which means the amount of drugs she will have to pump in to me to get multiple eggs will be huge. As I said a few pages ago, a "normal" person would take 75 units of Follistim. I'll be taking 300 units in April.

It doesn't mean that we can't do our inject/IUI cycle in April or that we can't do IVF in May, but it does mean that my chances are lower, and that my risk of m/c due to a chromosomally damaged egg is higher. It doesn't make it impossible, but it makes it difficult. And I JUST need something to be easy for a MINUTE of my life right now. It's so hard. I'm SO distraught over my lack of family.

When I talked to her about doing IVF in May or June she said she felt like I was getting ahead of myself - she feels like she can get me pregnant with injects and an IUI in April. I don't share her optimism, but I do appreciate it.

I cried so much over this last night that my eyes are swollen and puffy today. I'm tired of being sad about this, as I'm sure you all are as well.