1/4/09 - BFN - IUI #4 has officially failed

Negative. Not pregnant. Which officially brings us to five years trying to have a baby. This is so beyond unfair and cruel.

I've cried more tears today than I can possibly cry. We're taking a break this month. I'm sad, but I know it's the right thing to do. With the Xanax, xrays, blood tests, endoscopy and heart ultrasounds, it's all just too much.

We've got a plan for 1/31/09 when TOM is due. My RE was as unpleased with December's "crop" as I was. She's getting REALLY aggressive. So I'm doing a treatment called "Lupron Flare". This is generally used for IVF only, but she's giving it a shot.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever have children. I was never this stressed, worried or anxious before I started all of this treatment stuff. It's taken such a toll on my physically and emotionally.