Sunday, December 27, 2009

16 Weeks: Avocado

16 weeks

Watch what you say...tiny bones forming in baby's ears mean she can now pick up your voice. A few more minuscule changes: Eyebrows, lashes, and hair are starting to fill in, and taste buds are forming.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

15.5 Week Update

My poor neglected blog.  Let me ramble on a bit.

We're 15.5 weeks and I couldn't be happier.  I'm feeling good.  The nausea and vomitting seem to have passed for the most part, and I'm on day two being headache free.  My thyroid is holding its own - Dr. K is watching me like a hawk and running my blood every 3 weeks.  Last check, my TSH (0.03) was low, but my T3 (311) and T4 (1.1) are running the show, and they are normal. 

I'm barely showing.  Those that know my body type know the bump is new, but to everyone else, I look like I've indulged in one too many Christmas cookies.  Well, I have actually.  LOL!  Shockingly enough, I'm only up 8 pounds as of this morning, so that is pretty darn good, especially considering how easily I normally gain weight.  It's been a joy to not count calories for the past four months, and weighing weekly instead of daily has been a change for the better for me.

Okay, let's get down to the nitty gritty.  The cramping is making me CRAZY.  It's been so long since I've seen the babies (over 3 weeks which seems like ages to me) and I'm paranoid and dying for an ultrasound.  My OB apparently only does a doppler check at 16 weeks, but I think I'm going to beg her to measure the babies and check their fluid.  I think I've read one too many stories of people leaking fluid or having an incompetent cervix and I'm terrified of having a second trimester loss now.  I guess I'm just paranoid of a loss, period.  I can't imagine getting this far and then losing them.  I've been listening to their heartbeats every night with the doppler, so I know there hearts are still beating away. I'm thankful we've had that to hold on to.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

15 Weeks: Naval Orange


Continuing the march toward normal proportions, baby's legs now out-measure his arms. And, finally, all four limbs have functional joints. Your fetus is squirming and wiggling like crazy down in the womb, though you probably can't feel the movements just yet.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Week 14: Lemon

Since when is a lemon bigger than a peach?  I'm a bit shocked (and disappointed) that my belly is not growing much at all.  I really expected to be showing more by now, but my little itty bitty bump hasn't grown at all.  Which worries me, of course.


Your adorable little fetus is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, making urine, and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver, kidneys, and spleen continue to develop. Lanugo (thin, downy hair) is growing all over her body for warmth.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Results are IN!!!

The Genetic Counselor called this afternoon.  I had left two messages for her, and I guess she could hear the worry in my voice.  She said the results hadn't come in yet, but she called and had them faxed.

I was concerned because...well, I'm old.  Also, the risk of chromosomal issues is higher with people pregnant after IVF/ICSI because the process of natural selection is eliminated.

So as I said a few posts down, our measurements were 1.3 and 1.6, which is fabulous - below the 2.5 that they wanted to see.

The risk of Down's Syndrome just based on my age alone is about 1/250.  I don't know the risk of T18 just based on age alone.

Here are the numbers based on my age, my measurements above, and my bloodwork (PAPP-A and HCG):

Based on my age
Down's Syndrome:  1/1600
Trisomy 18:  1/53000

Based on the embryo's age (they were retrieved in May)
Down's Syndrome:  1/1800
Trisomy 18:  1/71000

We could not be more THRILLED!  God is surely blessing us tenfold, and we are SO very grateful.

Next stop:  Anatomy/Gender Scan on 1/20/2010!!!!!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Week 13: Peach


Your fetus is forming teeth and vocal cords... savor this, their non-functional phase. Baby is approaching normal proportions, with a head now only one third the size of the body. Intestines are in the process of moving from the umbilical cord to baby's tummy.

Photo and text courtesy of

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

For Alysia...

Because you asked...

10 weeks 5 days (pardon the messy mirror)

12 weeks 3 days (not sure what's up with the wrinkle just above my pants...nice...NOT!)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

NT Scan and Genetic Counseling

We had our NT Scan and Genetic Counseling today.  I tossed and turned ALL night long thinking about this appointment.  Funny though, I didn't get as worried as I normally get before an ultrasound.  I guess it's sinking in that I'm pregnant. 

The scan went great.  Their nuchal folds measured 1.3 and 1.6 which is below the 2mm "there might be a problem" coverline.  I loved seeing our little ones on the screen.  They were kicking and squirming like crazy.  SO amazing.  The babies were measuring 12w5d and 12w6d and heartbeats were 155 and 156.  Fabulous news all around!!!  Here are my little loves!!!  Cuties, huh?



Then the Perinatologist came in, checked on all the measurements, and talked about what lies ahead.  We had previously been told we wouldn't be sent for the first trimester screening blood work because our third sac (blighted ovum) would skew the results, but then he said because he couldn't see the third sac, he was going to run the bloodwork portion of the scan anyways.  This was a little upsetting to me, because I was happy and thrilled with the news we already had, and I've heard way too many stories of false positives with twins/triplets.  But I gave up the blood and then we left for lunch.

We came back after lunch and met with the Genetic Counselor.  She went over our family, medical and reproductive histories.  We talked in detail about odds and false postives and the "what ifs", and I told her that I wasn't sure I wanted them to run my blood.  She said that they could cancel the order if that was what I decided.  In the end, she felt like my results would be better than the results from my embyro age, which is 1:150, so we went ahead with it.  We did decline doing a CVS and I'm 99% sure we won't do an amnio either.  They'll call with the blood results in about 10 days.

So overall it was a GREAT day and I couldn't be happier.  I still can't believe these two little people will be in our arms in 6 short months!  I'm still in a daze!!!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Week 12: Plum


As you move into the second trimester, baby shifts into the growth and maturation stage. After weeks in the critical development stage, almost all of baby's systems are fully formed.

Photo and text courtesy of

Sunday, November 22, 2009

20 reasons why it's GREAT to have twins!

Finding out that you're pregnant with twins is often a shock. But there are lots of reasons to be excited about bringing two babies into the world at the same time. Here are just some of them.

1. Knowing that you are only going to have to go through the birth process once to end up with two children.

2. Enjoying the fun of choosing two baby names that fit together perfectly.

3. Being able to hold one baby in each arm and feeling a huge rush of love and pride.

4. Watching your babies sleeping peacefully side by side.

5. Having to establish only one routine.

6. Getting all the sleepless nights over and done with in one go.

7. Watching them carve out their own identities as they grow.

8. Knowing that they are going to have a best friend in each other for life.

9. Enjoying the attention that twins inevitably attract.

10. Feeling confident that they can help each other on their first day of school.

11. Discovering all their amazing little differences.

12. Watching them create their own secret language and games.

13. Knowing that they will never be lonely.

14. Loving the fact that they are constant playmates and can entertain each other.

15. Feeling special because you've joined the exclusive club of twin mums – together with the likes of Jennifer Lopez and Julia Roberts.

16. Only having to buy one of every must-have toy and not having to give baby number two (by a few minutes!) hand-me-downs.

17. Only having to bake one birthday cake and throw one party a year.

18. Seeing them learning and encouraging each other to reach their milestones.

19. Watching them taking care of each other when one is upset or hurt.

20. Knowing that their shared history means they have one of life's most unbreakable bonds.

Week 11: Lime


Your fetus currently enjoys a 1:1 ratio between body and head, and has skin so transparent that blood vessels show right through. But, fingers and toes are no longer webbed, and hair follicles, tooth buds and nail beds are forming -- setting up a significantly more attractive future.

Photo and text courtesy of

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Our Little Loves!

Today was a rough day (I sound like a broken record).  I've been spotting for 3.5 weeks and this past Sunday started having some cramping.  I went to insert my suppository this morning and found bright red blood.  My heart SANK, as you can imagine.  Fortunately I had an OB appointment scheduled, so I tried to pull myself together for a couple of hours until the appointment. 

The bleeding had stopped by the time I got there and returned to my status quo spotting. Dr. V couldn't find a source of the blood, but suspects that my cervix is irritated by the suppositories. 

I had my very first abdominal ultrasound. Baby B was squirming and kicking around and Baby A was kicking back. She pushed on the sac to wake him/her up, but with no success she said that was my mello child. The babies had nice heartbeats of 151 and 161.

She validated my worries and said she expects me to be anxious given my past and the fact that I'm high risk. She told me that she can't tell me everything will be okay obviously, but that everything looked really good.
Here are our little bugs - they sure are growing fast!!!
Baby A

Baby B

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Having One of "Those" Days

I'm having one of those worrisome "I don't feel pregnant anymore" days.  The cramping and spotting have really freaked me out.  And now my boobs don't hurt AT ALL this morning and I didn't gag brushing my teeth for the first time in a long time.

I keep watching people in my DD group on FF with the same symptoms (or lack of symptoms) go in for ultrasounds and come back having no heartbeat anymore.  It's scaring me to death.  I just can't let go of the past. I can't get to a point where I feel good that this is going to happen for us.  I'm very scared that we will get bad news tomorrow.  I feel like I've told too many people too early and jinxed it.  I've got two shower dates set already...bad omen?

Sigh...I wish I could just be a person who could get pregnant and just have normal worries rather than having a history of miscarriage and a $15K procedure required to get me pregnant.

Please God let my babies be alive and thriving tomorrow.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Week 10: Prune


With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. Soon, legs will too.

Photo and text courtesy of

Monday, November 9, 2009

One Year Ago Today

November 9, 2008 was one of the worst days of my life.  It was a Sunday.  I sat at home with my husband and miscarried our first baby.  It was such a horrendous thing to go through physically and emotionally, and I don't wish it on my worst enemy. 

It's amazing what we've been through, how far we've come, and where we are today.

I had a rough weekend.  The miscarriage anniversary was adding on to the worry that constant spotting and cramping had plagued me with.  When I woke up this morning, I called my fertility clinic (yes, the clinic that graduated me 2 weeks ago) and asked them if I could come in for a "reassurance scan".  The receptionist told me that they couldn't see me for a scan since I was past 9 weeks.  What did I do?  I cried, of course.  They found an RE for me to talk to (not my RE, but the one that did my last transfer) and she agreed to have me come in.  Luckily I was put on my own RE's schedule and went in at 10:00 AM today.

I'm so lame.  Seriously.  I was convinced I had lost the babies.  I must learn to have confidence in these two, because they are THRIVING!!!

Baby A measured 9w3d with a heartrate of 176.


Baby B measured 9w4d with a heartrate of 166. 


My lil' bugs were dancing and jumping all around.  It was THE most precious thing I've seen in my life. 

What a blessing they are.  What an absolute blessing!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Week 9: Green Olive


Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like...well...a baby!

Photo and text courtesy of

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Our Miracles at 8 Weeks

Yesterday was a BIG day!  A milestone, for sure!


On October 29, 2008, I went to an ultrasound at 8w1d and found out that our baby's heart had stopped beating.  Devastation does not even describe how we felt.

Okay, fast forward...

On November 2, 2009, I went to an ultrasound at 8w1d and saw my two beautiful cherubs growing like crazy with little hearts beating away.  Scott was unable to get a substitute so mom (grandma) came with me.  She did good...she sobbed quietly when the OB showed her the baby's heartbeats.  She's told me several times since then what a moment this was for her.  I was grateful to have her there, and so thrilled to watch her see her future grandbabies for the first time.

Baby A measured 8w2d with a heartbeat of 163.  S/he was kind enough to give us a nice profile shot!


Baby B measured 8w2d with a heartbeat of little girl, perhaps?  We'll see how the wives tale plays out.  S/he appears to have given us a front/back view and looks like a little ink smudge.  And a lovely one at that!


My next appointment is in two weeks, and I also have my NT scan set up for about four weeks from now.  They are unable to do any of the genetic bloodwork, which scares me.  I guess we'll decide how to proceed after we see the measurements from the NT scan. 

For now I'm just going to sit back and smile.  I'm so thankful to God for this blessing and will pray for Him to continue to watch over these little ones as they grow. 

Sunday, November 1, 2009

8 Week: Raspberry


Baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.

Photo and text courtesy of

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I Graduated! Wow!

Such a bittersweet day.  I woke up this morning feeling rather negative about things.  I know, shocking, right?  This whole symptom thing has thrown me for a loop.  I guess I just always assumed the symptoms would get worse no matter what, but they sure haven't!  They most definitely come and go. 

Work was crazy this morning.  I got stuck in another building waiting for someone that showed up 30 minutes late.  I drove back to my building and my fabulous boss met me in the parking lot with my purse, a bottle of water and a banana, handed me my keys and sent me on my way.  S and I met up at our usual spot and got on the freeway...and stopped.  Traffic was horrendous.  So here I was late, flustered and starving.  Ugh...I could have screamed.

We arrived 10 minutes late - a good recovery if I do say so myself.  As I sat in the waiting room, my legs were literally shaking from the nerves.  We got called back, and as soon as Dr. H walked in the room I started crying.  I was SO scared.  Seven weeks.  Here we were at seven weeks again.  Seven weeks was when I found out that baby #1 needed a miracle to make it.  Seven weeks is when I had a D&C for baby #3.  Seven weeks is a HUGE milestone for us.  And man...what a milestone it was! 

Baby A and Baby B both measured in at 7 weeks 1 day.  Baby A had a heartbeat of 144 and Baby B had a heartbeat of 150.  My babies actually GREW.  What a concept!  And then she said it...I don't think we need to see you again.  Say huh?  I graduated?  But...but...I was going to bake cookies?   My little chin was on the ground - happy as can be, but sad too.  I mean, I've been seeing these fabulous people pretty much bi-weekly since April of 2008.  They've watched me go through SUCH a fight to get where I am.  They've celebrated my ups and they've let me cry on their shoulders during the downs.  And now I'm done seeing them?  Bittersweet for sure.  RSC has been fabulous to me and I can't WAIT for my babies to meet the people that helped us bring them into this world.

So without further are my little bugs!  I am SO in love already!!!


Monday, October 26, 2009

What a Difference a Day Makes

When I went to sleep last night I was positive that things were not going well.  My morning sickness had been so severe the week prior, and now it was gone.  I had convinced myself that my boobs were hurting less too.  I was going to call my RE this morning and move up my ultrasound to today.

Then I got out of the shower this morning and threw up.  Sweet halleluhah!!!  Bring it on!

Morning Sickness Cartoon

Sunday, October 25, 2009

SO Anxious!

It's been a really long week.  I honestly wish the morning sickness had come back like it was on Sunday through Tuesday.  Sure it was beyond miserable, but it was very reassuring.  I have no reassurance right now.  There have been a few moments since Wednesday where I've felt a little nauseaus, and brushing my teeth is a chore at times, but otherwise, I just don't really have it that bad...barely at all.  I'm worried.  I'll be worried until 2pm on Tuesday when I see my little babies again. 

Week 7: Blueberry


Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.

Photo and text courtesy of

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Acupuncture...the Miracle for Morning Sickness

I've been doing acupuncture since May 2008 for my headaches and infertility, and it's been fabulous.  I was a little out of practice, and hadn't been since my transfer in September.  I've been suffering daily headaches, and then the morning sickness hit so hard, so I made an appointment and went yesterday.  I still have a headache today, unfortunately, but it's almost eerie - my morning sickness is gone.  Completely.  In fact, I feel so good that I'm a little panicked this morning and almost wish it was back.  My 7 week ultrasound can't get here soon enough.  I'm so scared of losing one or both of these babies.

UPDATE:  Okay, it's back.  It's not as bad, but it's definitely back.  Dare I say "yay"?  Twisted, I know.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Breakfast of Champions!

Let me start out by saying that I am VERY grateful to have morning sickness, as I've never had it before with my prior pregnancies and...well, that never turned out so well for me.  Now with that said, let's get this straight.  It is not morning.  It is ALL darn day and night!  And it's so beyond anything I could have imagined.  I almost think I'd feel better if I could actually vomit, but I'm at the nausea/dry heave stage all day.  We'll call it annoying and tiring at this point, but again, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  It's my babies telling me they are all good! 

Babies.  Wow.  Still adjusting.  Okay, back to my post...

My nurse, S, told me to eat something sour.  That same day, a gal in my due date group on FF was talking about grapefruit juice.  Well doesn't get any more sour than that, right?  But I was hesitant.  Seems like the last thing you would want on the verge of vomit, right?  Well, my darling husband picked up some unsweetened, sugarfree grapefruit juice for me last night - figured we'd give it a whirl.  This morning I poured myself a glass to take my thyroid meds with.  I'll be was much more refreshing than I expected.  I chased it down with a few gingersnaps, and I can honestly say, I feel pretty good for the moment (knock on wood).  So that will be my new morning staple.  Or all day staple, as the case may be. 

In other news, the scale has been kind.  I really wasn't expecting it to be, given that I feel like a cow right now.  Bloat is an understatement.  Is it possible that these babies are giving me a bump already?  It sure looks like it!  Anyway, I kinda looked at the scale, then looked to the heavens and jumped on.  I was ELATED to see that I haven't gained a pound since my transfer on 9/25.  Woot!  Let's see how long I can hold the weight gain at bay!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

God Has Blessed Us...TWICE!!!

Well, almost three times technically. 

I can not tell you how nervous I was as Dr. H went in to check things out.  Within a moment, I was in tears.  But my tears were tears of joy, not tears of sadness.  For the first time in four pregnancies, we had a healthy heartbeat at 6 weeks!!!

Baby A measured 6w2d and had a heartbeat of 110 bpm.

Baby B measured 5w6d and had a heartbeat of 107 bpm.

Baby C only had a gestational sac, and it is unlikely that a yolk sac or fetal pole will develop.  In fact, Dr. H suspects that the sac will be gone when we go back on October 27.

I think I'm still in shock.  I knew twins was a possiblity.  I knew a heartbeat today was a possiblity.  I just didn't expect it.  Two healthy babies!  What a  blessing!

Baby A is on top, Baby B is on the bottom.  It's actually the opposite in my uterus - Baby A is on the bottom and Baby B is on top.  Baby C is off to the right of Baby A, but is not in the photo because of the angle.  The angle is also the reason that the sacs appear to be different sizes, but they really only differ by a fraction of a centimeter.


It Was a Rough Night

We had great plans for last night - we were so excited for dinner with two of our favorite couples.  I had lounged around for most of the day relaxing.  I got up to shower and get ready at about 3pm.  At 4pm we were getting ready to walk out the door and I felt like something was "there".  I went to the bathroom and was devastated to find pink on the toilet paper.  The next wipe was red.  And then more red.  I sat on the toilet crying, thinking here we go again.  I pulled out my miscarriage panties and the big granny pad, and cancelled with my friends.

I called the clinic, and fortunately my RE was the one on call.  She was so calm.  She told me that there are many reasons for people to bleed in early pregnancy - that it is very common.  She said that if I am carrying twins, it's even more common.  She also said that people on Lovenox often bleed more than someone not on it.  She told me to skip the baby aspirin tonight, drink my water, stay on bedrest for the night, and she moved my ultrasound up.  It's now at 12:45 today.  I'm SO grateful that she is working today.

The bleeding turned to brown last night, and this morning is very scant.  I'm feeling relieved, but I can't lie...I'm in a total panic about my ultrasound this morning.  I know that we may or may not see a heartbeat, being at 6 weeks today.   But it will be hard to be hopeful, given my past, if we don't see a heartbeat today.

Please keep our baby(s) in your prayers.  I just CAN'T lose another one.

Week 6: Sweet Pea


Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate.

Photo and text courtesy of

Saturday, October 17, 2009


Six weeks tomorrow.  This week of waiting has been excruitiating for me.  With past pregnancies, my betas were so questionable that I was getting them checked up to 5 times.  This time I only had 3 betas, and the 3rd one was at my request.  So I've had a LONG wait since the last check on this little one.

My ultrasound couldn't get here soon enough.  I'm scared out of my mind that we won't see a heartbeat.  My past has really ruined this time for us.  I've tried not to think about it as much as possible and have tried to enjoy the moment.  I'm just not sure what I'm going to do if we lose this pregnancy.

As far as symptoms, my boobs are REALLY sore.  I'm tempted to say more sore than in previous pregnancies, but it's hard to compare.  I get up to pee about 2-3 times a night - that has been fun!  I don't really have morning sickness yet - now and then I get a little wave of nausea but nothing consistent and nothing near the point of vomitting.  I think I've only gagged on my toothbrush once.  I've been fighting a headache for days - assuming from the step down from caffeine.  I miss real coffee already, but it's an easy sacrifice.  Oh, and I'm TIRED.  OMG I'm SO freaking tired!  About 2pm in the afternoon I seem to hit the wall, and hard.  It has made work very difficult.  I guess I'll start taking a power nap at lunchtime!

PIO has been...well, a pain in the ass.  LOL!  We started heating the oil before injecting and that seems to be helping keep the lumps down.  Thankfully my husband is a ROCK STAR with injections and has only hurt me a few times.  4 weeks down, 6 weeks to go.  That's 42 more injections. 

Please pray for a heartbeat - at least one healthy heartbeat.  Just a few more days to go...

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Week 5: Appleseed


Your embryo (looking kind of like a tadpole) is starting to form major organs (heart, kidney, liver, stomach) and systems (nervous, circulatory, digestive). Baby's presence in your uterus triggers production of hCG (the hormone detected by pregnancy tests)... which triggers production of other hormones like estrogen and progesterone... which trigger all those great symptoms you've probably been noticing!

Photo and text courtesy of

Friday, October 9, 2009

Well, this never happens!

Yesterday's beta BLEW me OUT of the water.  Do you know that my highest beta for 18dpo was 330?  And did you know that I'm now above the average for twin AND triplet+  pregnancies according to 

     Single pregnancy at 18dpo:  406
     Twin pregnancy at 18dpo:  803
     Triplet+ pregnancy at 18dpo:  1171
     My beta yesterday at 18dpo:  2783

Breathe, sigh, breathe, sigh...

I know if God gives us triplets, it's because he thinks we can handle it.  But we're hoping God blesses us with twins.  Heatlhy, beautiful twins!  We'd be just as thrilled with one healthy baby too.  We're already so blessed and so grateful.

For your viewing pleasure:


Monday, October 5, 2009

Okay, let's all faint together!

I honestly can't believe it.  I was hoping for 450 to 500.  I got 554.  Yes, that is 554 at 15dpo.  HOLY COW!!!!

My progesterone was a wee bit lower than Dr. H would like to see it given my beta.  It's at 23.5 after Prometrium 2x a day and 1cc of PIO per day, so we're increasing the PIO to 1.5cc a day.  I'm tempted to self medicate with a third Prometrium dose.  I mean, I can't get THIS far and then have progesterone take me down.  Though, if Dr. H was overly concerned, she would have increased it.  She said she just didn't want to take any chances with me.  I think she wants this baby as much as we do! 

She also said that she suspects I'm currently pregnant with multiples.  Now before we all get excited (aka freak the heck out), she reminded me of my past and asked me to please not get too attached to the concept.  She told me she didn't want me to be disappointed at my ultrasound on the 20th.  I told her the only thing that would disappoint me would be the lack of a heartbeat.  One baby, two babies, three babies...that's not for me to choose at this point, it's in God's hands.  And for those of you that want the three theme to continue, we don't, so stop it!  LOL!

About the ultrasound - I'll be 6w2d.  I tried to move up my appointment, but Dr. H is in surgery on Friday and off on Monday.  So we have to wait ALL the way until October 20th to find out what's really going on.  Mom, that means no shopping...okay?  Put the credit card DOWN and step AWAY from the internet! 

Sigh...big day.  My cup runneth over! 


I hate waiting for betas!  I'll admit it, I'm a little nervous this morning.


Surely that is justified given my past.  And even if this beta is sky high (please God let it be over 450 minimum), I'll still find something else to worry about.  Infertility and miscarriage have put a dark cloud over what should be an absolutely amazing time.  Don't get me wrong -- I'm thrilled, I'm excited, I'm hopeful...but I'm scared out of my ever-loving mind!

I went by Mimi's this morning and picked up my bracelet.  I'm so thrilled to have it back in my posession.  I'm so darn lucky, too.  God bless the kind person who turned it in.  Good karma awaits you.

Tap...tap...tap...ring phone, ring!  Though I've got HOURS ahead of me still.  Sigh...breathe in, breathe out!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Weeks 3 and 4: Poppyseed


In week 3, sperm meets egg, and voila: conception! Your little zygote sets off on a six-day trek through your fallopian tubes, dividing and redividing into identical cells as it travels to your uterus.

In week 4, now safe in your womb, the ball of cells (blastocyst) splits in two, becoming the embryo and the placenta. The amniotic sac and fluid are forming around baby, and will act as a cushion for the next eight months.

Photo and text courtesy of

Shocking, I know

I didn't test this morning. Shocking, I know. I sent Scott out to who knows how many stores last night to find Answer EPTs (and rainbow sherbert) so I could stay consistent with the brand. When he got home with them, I had some hesitation about using them. My tests have been SO beautiful up to this point. My beta was beyond explanation yesterday. I'm just overjoyed with this pregnancy so far. So WHY would I take the chance of ruining that joy by seeing a variation of the dye? Sure, it would have been great to see a nice, dark line this morning to add to the progression, but I think I'm done with HPTs for a while. I'll pass the two Answer brand and one CBE Digital on to a friend who is TTC.

Whew...this is just SO darn refreshing. I hope I'm not jinxing myself by feeling this confident about things. I just know that God has my back this time. PRAISE GOD!!!

And the bad news. I have...well, had a beautiful bracelet that my Miracle Chaser girls made for me after we lost angel #3. It had 3 clear butterflies surrounded by pink and blue beads with tiny pearls in between. Near the clasp was a little heart charm.


I didn't wear the bracelet regularly because it was too special and I feared losing it. But I did wear it to my transfer, and to my beta yesterday. Well, somewhere between breakfast and home, my bracelet disappeared. Mom said my bracelet flew away to be with my angels. I'm just devastated.

UPDATE 3:45PM 10/04/09: I have the best news EVER! The restaurant just called. They found my bracelet! I'm picking it up tomorrow. I'm SO flipping happy right now!!!!!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

My beta results are in!

I am in SHOCK!

My first pregnancy at 14dpo was 47.
My second pregnancy at 14dpo was 13.
My third pregnancy at 13dpo was 74.

This pregnancy...196. I couldn't help but curse in the poor nurses ear when I replied "Are you effing kidding me". LOL!

I think we're going to have a baby. Or two, maybe. PRAISE GOD!!!


It's beta day! Please God, let it be over 100!

I'm feeling pretty good about my beta, but definitely don't feel it will be sky high based on my HPT comparisons this morning. My guess is it will fall between 100 and 130, and that will be fabulous for me! My HPTs are still getting darker, so that is a good sign!


I'm still very concerned about the lack of symptoms. My breasts don't hurt AT all and it's freaking me out. It's the only thing that is really stomping on my joy with this pregnancy. The only thing I really have is a strong sense of smell and severe, and I mean SEVERE, heartburn.

Friday, October 2, 2009

7dp5dt - I'm really thrilled!

With all of my pregnancies, I've hoped that my tests would progress like the tests of all those other girls. You know, the ones that got pregnant in the first few months or...gasp...accidentally. I couldn't be more thrilled with how this baby is growing. I know I'm not out of the woods given my past, but this is a FABULOUS start, and it's what I always hoped to see.


I talked to my nurse yesterday - she's on vacation but called me from home. She said she could hear a difference in my voice, that I was happier and less concerned that I have been with previous pregnancies. She's right. This is PURE JOY!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

6dp5dt - HPT Progression

It's so nice to see the tests doing what they are supposed to do. They are actually getting darker, and it's still VERY early! I think this lil' bug may actually be a healthy one...or two! I'd be pleased as punch with one very healthy baby!


I don't have many symptoms, which is bothersome. Little waves of nausea started last night but nothing extreme or really noteable, and I've got a bit of cramping on and off - nothing bad, totally normal. I do have the smell thing happening. It smelled like maple syrup when I left work yesterday! I have no idea where it was coming from but it smelled so good! My concern is that my boobs don't hurt AT ALL though. Zero sensitivity. This is been my main symptom for my three previous pregancies. I'm stumped!

I'm anxious for my beta. 2 more days!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Well, it's offiical...I'm PREGNANT!

Clearblue Easy Digital told me so!'s a beautiful thing!


I can tell you that my heart was beating out of my chest waiting for that loverly word. PREGNANT! Joy! I'm going to embrace each day of this pregnancy, and remain hopeful and optimistic that this little bug will land in our arms in June.

5dp5dt - What is that I see?

Two days ago we thought we saw a shadow of something. Yesterday we were sure we saw a line, but we weren't sure if it was real or an evaporation line. Today, well, today we're's a beautiful, pink line!


We're obviously VERY cautious at this point, but we're very excited too. This is our second chance at having a June baby or two. Or three. Uh oh!

My beta is on Saturday. Please GOD let it be a good one! We're begging and pleading for a healthy baby.

EDD June 13, 2010

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

4dp5dt - Well, I dunno...I see something, I think

Okay, what the heck. Light as light can fact, I'm sure you won't be able to see it. I'm still not sure if we can see it in person, but we think we can. Those of you that are professional HPT analyzers will do okay, but the rest of you need to back away from the screen and don't look too hard. ;-)


It's still a day earlier than I tested positive for my previous transfer, and things are progressively going in the right direction, but I'm not ready to claim this is a positive yet.

Monday, September 28, 2009

As Karen would say...

...I think I see where the line is SUPPOSED to be. Keep in mind, it's WAY too early for me to be testing so I will not be upset if no one else can see it. Heck, I'm not sure I can see it, and Scott thinks it's an optical illusion. Yep, I'm trippin for sure! But this gives me a tiny glimmer of hope to get through until tomorrow night!


And tweaked at 100% saturation...

3dp5dt - I'm just not feeling it...

I pray to God that I am wrong. I wasn't feeling it at 3dp5dt after my IVF either, and three days later I got a BFP. Here's to Wednesday, and the hope for two pink lines!

It's amazing that my boobs don't hurt considering how many times I've smashed the hell out of them over the past 24 hours. But unfortunately, nothing. Not one iota of tenderness to speak of. Sigh. Such is life, right?

Symptoms to take note of:
* Crampy in my uterus - often off to the right side only. Funny, since there is no corpus luteaum to cause any pain. Who knows...I had this same thing going on last month. Cramps are usually a good sign for me, but she fished around a lot doing my transfer, so my cervix could be yelling back at me.
* Little bouts of nausea here and there, but not enough to make me think, hey, morning sickness. It's too early anyways. But oh how I would love to barf right about now.
* Serious hot flashes yesterday. Turn the A/C on. Turn it off. Turn it on. Then again, it was 100 degrees.

I can't imagine this not working. It has to work. I told my girlfriend, Pam, that I'd almost rather have another m/c then to get a BFN. How sick is that? My mind is surely twisted and jaded from the past year. I SO want to move on with my friends and be pregnant. I don't want to be left TTC into a 6th year.

Lord, please hear my prayers.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

2dp5dt - Bring on the symptoms!

Well I was super crampy Friday and Saturday, but absolutely nothing today. Could have been implantation, but I woke up with a bad feeling that this transfer has failed. Not a good morning. I have been optimistic about every single transfer I've had, but for some reason, I'm not feeling it this time. I don't want to feel that way but I do, and I really hope I'm wrong. I looked back through my journal, and I need sore boobs and AF cramps to come on Monday/Tuesday. So BRING it on please.

9/25/09 - It's TRANSFER day!!!

I battled with the decision of 3 vs. 4 all day yesterday, and even waking up this morning wondered if I should call and have #4 thawed. As I was getting ready, I put on my necklace from my miscarriage group - three pearls on a lily pad, I put on my bracelet from my Miracle Chaser support group - three butterflies, I thought of my three angels in heaven, and that physic that kept saying she saw the number three. Our embryos had no thaw issues, and three little ones are now in my womb. My beta is on the 3rd, ironically enough. I'm no longer questioning my decision. The message doesn't get any more clearer than that!


Here are our cold, lil' snowbabies all cuddled up still. We all laughed about the one that is flat on the side, and agreed that s/he took after daddy's side of the family.


9/24/09 - What to do, what to do???

Our dilema...I have four day 6 blasts in the lab (4BB, 4BB, 4BB-, 3BB-). My transfer is tomorrow and my RE is waiting on my decision to put in the lab order:

Your name is written on my hand as I remembered last night when I was in a meeting that I hadn’t circled back to you. (Luckily I didn’t shower it off this morning!)

I heard back, and Dr Ivani, the lab director, did not feel it would be good to thaw and biopsy and rethaw your 4th embryo. It could be done, but not great if it was in fact a healthy embryo to impact it in such a way. Therefore she recommended either 4 or just 3 and save the 4th. Several of the docs were OK with 4 embryos to transfer given your situation. I am still uncomfortable with that as I have seen triplets in folks like you. However, If you want all 4, I will do that.

Please email me back with the number you want as I need to put the lab orders in today. Cant wait!

Here is the deal though, if we have to do IVF again, we're doing PGD testing, so this fourth blastocyst, if we don't transfer it now, may never get transferred. BUT, I do not want to carry more than two babies. I'm not sure my body can handle it at this age and I don't want the risk to the babies.


I think I'm leaning towards three, just because I do not want to carry trips and I absolutely will NOT reduce. But ugh...then I lean back to four because of the chromosomal issues. I guess I'm still very much mulling it over. LOL! I told her I'd have an answer by 11:00 AM. One more hour.


Okay, done deal! I'm very much at peace with this decision.

My message:

After racking my brain of every scenario vs. outcome, I’ve decided that I would like to thaw and transfer three. If there is any quality degradation, I would like to thaw the fourth and transfer it as well. I figured that is the closest way of putting this decision into God’s hands – we’ll let the embryos decide.

RE's immediate response:

I think that is a great decision, and as I said before, if the 1st 3 don’t make it despite looking good, I doubt the 4th would have been the solution. If there is any question about the quality upon thaw, I will have the lab thaw the 4th.

9/23/09 - Ouch!

My shots have been hurting. The PIO needle and Lovenox meds are both stinging like mad. But on we's for baby! Babies!

9/18/09 - FET #2 date set!

My transfer date is locked in!!! I start progesterone shots and suppositories on Sunday, steroid and antibiotic on Tuesday, transfer is on Friday. My beta to confirm pregnancy is 10/3. My due date will be June 12, 2010. My due date from my first pregnancy was June 9, 2009.

9/17/09 - FET #2 Ultrasound

Back in the we go again!

Heading in for an ultrasound and bloodwork today. Today's appointment is to check to make sure I don't have active follicles - the body has to be suppressed for a frozen embryos transfer so we don't want my natural cycle interfering with the medical override, and to make sure my uterine lining is nice and thick. If all is well, I will start progesterone shots, a steroid and an antibiotic in the coming week and transfer will be next week.

Dr. H doesn't think four will happen after all, so we're back to three for now. RSC is very conservative about preventing high order multiples. She had to send an email to all of the doctors at the clinic. They each will review my history and decide on three or four. She feels that ultimately she won't get the majority to approve transferring four. We'll see.

Still waiting on the call for my transfer date. I'm anxious to have a final schedule!

9/8/09 - FET #2 Schedule

Okay, here we go!

9/05/09 - CD1
9/06/09 - Start Estrogen & Baby Aspirin
9/17/09 - Ultrasound/Estrogen Test/Acupuncture
9/19/09 - Start Progesterone Shots
9/25/09 - Transfer 3-4 Embryos/Pre & Post Acupuncture
10/3/09 - Beta!!!
6/12/10 - Due Date!!!

9/7/09 - AF with a vengeance

AF came on with a VENGEANCE on Saturday morning. HEAVY bleeding, bad cramping. We didn't let it put a damper on our weekend, but it was quite the nuisance. Started estrogen on Sunday. Frozen embryo transfer will be the week of 9/21. Due date: June 2010!!!!!

8/20/09 - D&C Follow-up Appt

Good appt today. Ovaries are working, egg white CM is active (estrogen pumping) and I've got follicles cooking. My lining looked GREAT, triple stripe - slightly thicker on the side the baby implanted on but no complications from the D&C. Whew!

The pathology reports were back. My baby was a girl. I am crying SO hard right now. She had a severe and very rare chromosomal abnormality called tetrapoloid. When the emybyo was dividing, one of the cells got on the wrong side and continued to divide. A normal baby is 46XX or 46XY. She was 92XXXX – four times the normal chromosomes. A tetraploid baby is not compatible with life, so she never would have made it.

Dr. Hinckley shocked the shit out of me. I said "so I should call you when I get the 2nd AF"? And she said "No, call me when you get the next one and we'll start getting you ready for next transfer". We're going to transfer three this time, and if there is any quality degradation, then we'll transfer four. Yikes! Quads!

She said AF should show in about two weeks. That would put transfer around September 20 - 26. Any babies conceived would be due late June/early July 2010.

Back in business!

8/11/09 - A precious gift

I received THE most precious gift today from two girls from my November miscarriage support group. Everyone in that group is pregnant again but me. They sent this (the one on the right) saying that they thought it was a gentle way for me to carry my three babies (one pearl for each) with me. I am so touched.

Photo courtesy of Red Envelope.

8/8/09 - Recovering

Just spotting again this morning, but I'm keeping this flight landing diaper of a pad in place just in case. Do y'all know how much I HATE these "regular" panties too. I miss my thongs.

8/8/09 - Feeling horrible

My boss told me when I left work yesterday that I looked really bad, very pale. I came home from work with a headache...migraine actually, that I had been fighting the whole afternoon. I took my Colace and motrin at 6:30 and went to bed. Yes, at 6:30 PM. Woke up at 3:30 to pretty bad cramping. ***TMI***Got up, went to the bathroom and I was covered in blood. My panties, my PJs, and it had just hit the sheets. Scott was so sweet to change the sheets while I was cleaning myself up. I passed a few rather large clots...lining I suppose. My RE had told me that she had taken less rather than more because she didn't want to scar my uterus. I guess my body has just kicked in to clean out the rest. I seem to be okay this morning - just heavy bleeding. My head still hurts and my face is swollen like I cried all night even though I didn't. I guess I'll be laying VERY low this weekend.


8/4/09 - Feeling so alone

I don't really need anyone to be there, per say, since the physical part of this will happen in a hospital. My mom will be with me tomorrow, and tomorrow will be the worst of it, I'd imagine.

But a phone call saying, "Is there anything I can do" or something like that would have been nice. I always get the "I haven't called because I don't know what to say". And they don't even call me about their own drama because they don't want to add additional stress. I feel like infertility has completely isolated me from my friends and ruined my life. I hate it.

8/3/09 - 6w6d - D&C Scheduled

No heartbeat. No growth. I'm having a D&C Wednesday so they can test the baby/placenta to see if it's an abnormal male/female or a normal male/female.

Scott and I had a pitcher of margaritas tonight...whew...I'm QUITE the light weight these days.

I'll stay on progesterone for two more days to keep from m/c naturally. The whole reason for the D&C is so we can test the baby/placenta and get some answers. My mom will come out tomorrow night and stay over to take me. Scott started back to teaching this week and there is no reason for him to be there for this.

Numb...just numb.

7/31/09 - 6w3d - Threatened Miscarriage

I had SEVERE cramping in the middle of the night. Fully expected to wake up covered in blood. I never did talk to my RE yesterday, but I need to talk to her today. This cramping was not normal. It was far worse than any TOM cramping I've ever had. It was right up there with my m/c cramps in November. I don't think my pregnancy will make it. I do think my body is trying to expel this baby.

My ultrasound today confirmed what I was feeling. No yolk sac, no heartbeat, just a little fetal pole measuring at 6 weeks with no cardiac activity. I've been downgraded from "High Risk Pregnancy" to "Threatened Miscarriage". I go in on Monday to confirm that there is still no heartbeat, and then I'll be scheduled for a D&C next week. She said that based on how horrific my November m/c was that she didn't want me to go through that again, and she wants to be able to test the fetus for defects.

We'll transfer two more frozen blastocysts, then we'll move on to another fresh cycle before the end of the year and save the two other frozen blasts for later.

This is so unreal.

7/30/09 - Bleeding Scare

Had a scare last night. Thought it was over. I was sitting on the couch and got bad period cramps. Went to the bathroom and had red blood. Got out the "miscarriage panties" and a pad. Expected it to be over this morning - even talked to my nurse about it last night. This morning there was nothing on the pad. I have brown spotting (old blood), but cramping is gone and no red blood. I have NO idea what is going on, but I'm thankful for another day of this pregnancy.

7/29/09 - 6w1d Ultrasound

I don't have a good update, but it could be worse. So there is a baby, and s/he is growing, but s/he is growing VERY slowly. We were able to see a dot of a baby. She couldn't measure my yolk sac because it was blending in with the edge of the gestational sac and the placenta (if I understood her correctly) and she couldn't get a clear enough image of the edges. She *thought* she could see cardiac activity when we zoomed in, but barely. She said she had hoped to have seen more today based on where I was on Sunday. It really can go either way for us at this point. I go back in on Monday at 4:15 to see if there is a heartbeat or not.


7/27/09 - 5w6d - I'm a little bit angry

Beta was 5503, which is average for 26dpo, but not that great considering where I was at 20dpo. It really could go either way. We could be repeating my pregnancy from last year, or we could be okay. The next appointment will be the turning point...either there will be a heartbeat, or there will not. If there isn't, then this probably isn't going to end well for me.

I'm relatively calm. Maybe numb is more like it. A little bit angry that something that comes all too easy for so many people is so heartbreaking and difficult for me. Like I'm cursed or being punished. I just don't get it. But it is what it is. I can't change it...all I can do is hope for the best.

7/26/09 - 5w5d - Measuring behind :(

Well, we saw a gestational sac measuring behind at 5 weeks (should be 5w5d), and the yolk sac which I couldn't see, but the RE did. No fetal pole yet. She didn't seem concerned - said this was exactly what she expected to see at this stage, but the fact that we are measuring behind (again) concerns me.


Waiting on my beta/P4 still. I was scheduled for my 6 week u/s on Tuesday, but we moved it out to Friday so we have a better shot at seeing a heartbeat. This is just ALL to similar to my first pregnancy/loss. All I can do is pray and have hope for this little one.

I hate that I have so much fear and so little joy about something that should be the absolute BEST thing in my life.

7/25/09 - 5w4d - Spotting and Cramping

Looks like I might be losing #3. Cramping and spotting. I have an appointment tomorrow for my blood draw to see if my HCG has dropped. It's not looking good at all. I just can't even believe this is happening to me.

ETA: Just got off the phone with Sara. They're going to do an u/s tomorrow. Hopefully we see a little heart beating away. Hopefully.

7/23/09 - 5w2d - Let's talk PIO

Let's talk about PIO. First shot - not that bad, second shot - no problem, third shot - bled and bruised. Fast forward to a week later, and all the injection sites are sore and lumpy, which is apparently normal. I feel asleep last night with a heating pad (not electic - one that you microwave) laying over my poor hips. I can't imagine 5 more weeks of this. Seems like it's going to be hard to find a spot to inject once it's all sore and lumpy. But whatever hte baby needs, I'll do it.

I'm TERRIFED about my u/s on Tuesday. I mean, I'm calm and relaxed now, but OMG. PLEASE GOD let his/her heart be beating up a storm.

Symptom ramblings...
-Boobs are still sore - they kinda go in and out in intensity and never seem to hurt when I first wake up but I've gotten used to it so I don't panic anymore.
-I'm TIRED...would LOVE a nap at 2pm, and I'm usually in bed by 8-9pm and zonked OUT these days.
-Peeing a lot, but I'm drinking a lot of water.
-Eating way too much, but luckily not gaining any weight. Need to get a grip on this STAT. Meat is an issue and I need to start subbing protein somehow. Will ask Dr. H what she suggests. Trying to much on fruits and not carbs, but carbs are calling to me.
-Gagged brushing my teeth this morning which thrilled me to no end!

7/20/09 - 4w6d - Beta #4

660 would be the bare bones minimum, but we want WAY more than that. 842 is the "average" beta score for 20dpo. Realistically, I'd like to be over 750, but over 800 would be even better. We'll see how it goes.

My boobs are less tender today, and while that does waiver, it freaks me out. And I've been crampy, which always causes concern and panic.

Praing for big numbers.

UPDATE: 1002!!! Go Clover, go! Woohoo

I'm still going to be hesitant until I get a strong heartbeat and make it to the 2nd trimester which would be in mid September. There is never a guarantee, obviously, but things look really good!

It's so hard to be pregnant after loss and infertility. It really sucks the joy out of it. I want to tell my dad and our siblings SO bad, but I can't. Because I've had it go well only to have it all ripped out of my hands. I don't think that is going to happen. I do believe that I will have this baby in March. But it's very scary.

7/18/09 - 4w4d weeks

Beta #3 was 330. A bit lower than I had hoped for, but well above a 48 hour doubling time. Slow and steady wins the race. My progesterone is up from 11 to 28 which is much better...the big ugly needle is doing it's job!

Keeping on 1cc of PIO
Dropping to 2 Endometrin (suppositories) per day - thank God!
Staying on 4x a day of Estrace (estrogen)

On we go...beta #4 on Monday!

Breathe, smile, breathe, smile, breathe...not out of the woods, but I'm off the ground and climing up the tree trunk!

Grow Clover, Grow!!!

7/17/09 - 4w3d - Starting PIO

I didn't test this morning. I'm going to just wait until my blood test tomorrow so I don't agonize for hours over things that are out of my hands. I can't change anything, so we'll just let be what will be and pray for the best.

I am worried about tomorrow. I won't lie about that. If the number comes back under 275, then we probably have a problem. If it comes back between 275 and 350, then I will probably still have some concern. If my number comes back over 350, I'll be able to relax a bit. I might even go buy myself something cute for the baby at Target. Pray for us please.

My boobies are still killing me and I've been nauseated on and off all afternoon...both good signs that things are indeed progressing.

I also started on PIO injections tonight. PIO is Progesterone in Oil. It's a 1.5" 22 gauge needle that goes into my hip muscle. Scott administered his first shot, and he did a good job. But dang, if I EVER needed a glass of wine, it was right before then. Such an emotional moment between the two of us.

PIO Needle

7/16/09 - 4w2d - Beta #2 is in!

My beta is 150, so it doubled exactly, which is good, but could have been better. My progesterone is up to 11.4, so self medicating apparently is helping. Now I have to act suprised when my RE calls, like I don't know this information yet. That's going to suck.

I'm going to ask to go in for #3 on Saturday just to make sure it's still going up. I'm not feeling to comfy with my numbers yet. They're "normal' but they're on the low end of normal.

They're bringing me in on Saturday and on Monday. They only wanted me to come back on Monday, but I need to make sure the number is still going up.

7/15/09 - Betas & Ultrasounds!

7/16 - Beta #2
7/18 - Beta #3 if I she'll let me
7/28 - 6 week ultrasound
8/11 - 8 week ultrasound and released from RE
8/20 - first EVER OB appointment

I really don't think it's twins, and I'm SO okay with that! But I would like to see my number be over 200 tomorrow.

7/15/09 - 9dp6dt - 4w1d - Me...OCD...never!

But I tested again this morning to see my line get darker. Very pleasantly surprise. Grow, lil' clover, GROW!!!!


7/14/09 - 8dp6dt - 4 weeks - Beta Day!

The blood is IN the lab! Hopefully they will call before noon. Otherwise it will be after 2pm. They have a 2 hour meeting at noon every day.

So the spotting thing...some TMI details...

I had JUST told Keli that I had been cramping (which doesn't panic me much because I know it's REALLY common) but that I wouldn't freak out unless I started spotting. Spotting and cramping alone are not bad; together, usually a bad sign of things to come. Anyway, I'm using these suppositories 3x a day. They kind of come out in a glob about 4 hours after taking them. So after talking to Keli, I go in the bathroom, and the blob is tan instead of white. I wiped and had a bit of spotting. But I really didn't have much residual spotting after that. My blob was back to white this morning. Whew! Sara (my nurse) thinks that I probably scraped my cervix with the applicator/suppository yesterday and released some "old blood". The cramping has stayed with me for the most part, but it's minimal. Overall, I'm not as worried as I was yesterday.

Took another Answer brand test this morning, and I think we're going to be okay for now. This is a different brand from the other tests I've posted, so don't compare to them. The top is from Sunday night, the middle is from Monday night and the bottom is from this morning. The fact that it is darker from last night to this morning is a good sign!


I'm praying for over 75 today...over 100 would be CHERRY! I had a 47 in September, so really anything over that will make me happy, but I'd really like to be well over that.

UPDATE: Beta came back at 74! I'm going to have a baby!

I'm a little hesitant to be on cloud 9 must yet. It's still below the average, which is 100. They want to see 50 to 100 though, so we're right in the middle. But most people seem to be over 100 at this point already. Not me, of course. Right?

It's so much better than the 47 we had in September and the 13 we had in June. Thursday will give us a sign of how it's going to go. That's how we found out the September pregnancy might not be so smooth. We want to see at least 148 on Thursday, but the higher the better! That's the next hurdle!

7/13/09 - 7dp6dt - Spotting and Cramping

I'm spotting and crampy. Dear God...

I know it can be common, but I haven't had spotting with either of my previous pregancies. Sara told me that there was nothing they could do before my tests tomorrow morning. She said it is very common, and that it freaks everyone out. I just want this baby so badly.

How sad that I can go from THAT happy to THAT worried in a matter of minutes.

Sigh. We'll see how it goes. I'm not enjoying the crampiness at all, but at least it's not all over my uterus anymore. It's more over to the right ovary now. And the spotting seems to have let up a bit. Maybe it was just the Endometrin that irritated my cervix.

Who the hell knows. I just wish it could be easy for me for once. Dark tests, strong betas, strong heartbeat...I want to be one of THOSE girls.

Hang on little clover.

7/12/09 - 6dp6dt - Evening update

Two things...

1. I will never buy FRER brand HPTs again! I'm getting a much darker line on the Answer HPT. I line I'm actually proud of for 12dpo!

2. I took another FRER for comparison purposes and mixed them (Sat AM/PM & Sun AM/PM) up on the kitchen island. Called Scott in to pick the darkest line and he immediately picked tonight's test. Praise God! Maybe I've just stared at them too long. AKA all day today. Can we say OCD?


Please pray for us. We need all the sticky vibes you can muster up.

7/12/09 - 6dp6dt - A little worried

Well, here we go again. My test isn't much darker today. I've got a bad feeling this morning...trying to stay positive, but it looks like a repeat of my IVF cycle. Sigh. Just for once, I'd like to get a positive test and then have the dye take off and get darker like it does for everyone else. This is SO dang unfair.

Saturday morning (top), Saturday evening (middle), Sunday morning (bottom)

Nonetheless...Still positive...Still pregnant...Still grateful.

Could be a vanishing twin...both tried to implant, lost one. Would cause a pause in the HCG level.

Could be that Saturday's HCG was around 10 (which would cause a very light test), today is around 20 (still would be light), tomorrow will be around 40, nice and dark, and then Tuesday's beta will be 80-100? That's the best case scenario for us right now.

So yes, I'm still pregnant...I'm trying to be happy and hopeful and find the good in this situation. It's not like last time...I was at 13dpo and 14dpo with tests lighter than these. I'm better off than I was then for being at 12dpo today.

I'm surrounded by people who get pregnant naturally. Without effort. Multiple times. I'm surrounded by people who get a faint line, but the next day it is darker, and darker, and darker. I'm surrounded by people who get an HCG of 100+ at 14dpo. I'm surrounded by people who get nothing but good news. I want to be that person for a change.

My life is SO not that. I went 4.5 years without EVER seeing a positive test. Then after months of medicine and invasive sonograms and everyone in the clinic between my legs, not to mention vials and vials of blood, I finally got a positive. I carried that baby for 8 weeks when I found out that s/he had died. Then it got crazier...I gave myself shots, and had huge amounts of hormones pumped into me, and had my eggs surgically removed and harvested. And I lost that baby too...after a week of faint tests that never changed in shade.

So here I am again. Out of money. Four eggs left. In the same place with my faint tests. Hoping that my baby is okay and checking on him/her twice a day to see if s/he is growing. I'm not stressed about it...I'm actually fairly calm. But I am worried...justifiably.

7/11/09 - 5dp6dt - Oh.My.GOD!!!

I'm pregnant!!!


This is darker than either of our previous positives at this stage. This baby is STICKING!

EDD March 23, 2010