A Few Good Eggs: Tap...tap...tap...

Monday, October 5, 2009

Tap...tap...tap...

I hate waiting for betas! I'll admit it, I'm a little nervous this morning.

Surely that is justified given my past. And even if this beta is sky high (please God let it be over 450 minimum), I'll still find something else to worry about. Infertility and miscarriage have put a dark cloud over what should be an absolutely amazing time. Don't get me wrong -- I'm thrilled, I'm excited, I'm hopeful...but I'm scared out of my ever-loving mind!

I went by Mimi's this morning and picked up my bracelet. I'm so thrilled to have it back in my posession. I'm so darn lucky, too. God bless the kind person who turned it in. Good karma awaits you.

Tap...tap...tap...ring phone, ring! Though I've got HOURS ahead of me still. Sigh...breathe in, breathe out!

1 comment:

RachelOctober 5, 2009 at 1:59 PM
Just saw your beta! Flipping awesome! I am sooo happy for you.
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Appointments and Dates to Remember

Beta#1 10/3/09 (13dpo) 196
Beta#2 10/5/09 (15dpo) 554
Beta#3 10/8/09 (18dpo) 2783
First RE Ultrasound 10/18/09 (6w)
Second RE Ultrasound 10/27/09 (7w2d)
OB Appointment 11/2/09 (8w1d)
Reassurance Scan w/ RE 11/9/09 (9w1d)
OB Appointment 11/18/09 (10w3d)
NT Scan 12/1/09 (12w2d)
OB Appointment 12/3/09 (12w4d)
OB Appointment 12/28/09 (16w1d)
Elective Gender Scan 12/30/09 (16w3d)
ER San Ramon Regional 1/10/10 (18w)
ER Tracy Sutter 1/11/10 (18w1d)
OB ER Follow-up 1/12/10 (18w2d)
Officially on Bedrest 1/12/10 (18w2d)
Anatomy Scan 1/20/10 (19w3d)
OB Appointment 1/22/10 (19w5d)
L&D San Ramon Regional 1/31/10 (21w)
OB Appointment 2/4/10 (21w4d)
Peri/OB Appointments 2/17/10 (23w3d)
No more bedrest! 2/18/10 (23w4d)
OB Appointment 3/3/10 (25w3d)
L&D San Ramon Regional 3/12/10 (26w6d)
Peri/OB Appointments 3/17/10 (27w3d)
OB Appointment 3/31/10 (29w3d)
L&D San Ramon Regional 4/9/10 (30w5d)
Peri/OB Appointments 4/14/10 (31w3d)
NST/OB Appointment 4/21/10 (32w3d)
NST/OB Appointment 4/28/10 (33w3d)
NST/OB Appointment 5/5/10 (34w3d)
Peri/OB Appointment 5/12/10 (35w3d)

I Will Be a Wonderful Mother

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

A Few Good Eggs

Monday, October 5, 2009

Tap...tap...tap...

1 comment:

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