I Graduated! Wow!

Such a bittersweet day.  I woke up this morning feeling rather negative about things.  I know, shocking, right?  This whole symptom thing has thrown me for a loop.  I guess I just always assumed the symptoms would get worse no matter what, but they sure haven't!  They most definitely come and go. 

Work was crazy this morning.  I got stuck in another building waiting for someone that showed up 30 minutes late.  I drove back to my building and my fabulous boss met me in the parking lot with my purse, a bottle of water and a banana, handed me my keys and sent me on my way.  S and I met up at our usual spot and got on the freeway...and stopped.  Traffic was horrendous.  So here I was late, flustered and starving.  Ugh...I could have screamed.

We arrived 10 minutes late - a good recovery if I do say so myself.  As I sat in the waiting room, my legs were literally shaking from the nerves.  We got called back, and as soon as Dr. H walked in the room I started crying.  I was SO scared.  Seven weeks.  Here we were at seven weeks again.  Seven weeks was when I found out that baby #1 needed a miracle to make it.  Seven weeks is when I had a D&C for baby #3.  Seven weeks is a HUGE milestone for us.  And man...what a milestone it was! 

Baby A and Baby B both measured in at 7 weeks 1 day.  Baby A had a heartbeat of 144 and Baby B had a heartbeat of 150.  My babies actually GREW.  What a concept!  And then she said it...I don't think we need to see you again.  Say huh?  I graduated?  But...but...I was going to bake cookies?   My little chin was on the ground - happy as can be, but sad too.  I mean, I've been seeing these fabulous people pretty much bi-weekly since April of 2008.  They've watched me go through SUCH a fight to get where I am.  They've celebrated my ups and they've let me cry on their shoulders during the downs.  And now I'm done seeing them?  Bittersweet for sure.  RSC has been fabulous to me and I can't WAIT for my babies to meet the people that helped us bring them into this world.

So without further ado...here are my little bugs!  I am SO in love already!!!

What a Difference a Day Makes

When I went to sleep last night I was positive that things were not going well.  My morning sickness had been so severe the week prior, and now it was gone.  I had convinced myself that my boobs were hurting less too.  I was going to call my RE this morning and move up my ultrasound to today.

Then I got out of the shower this morning and threw up.  Sweet halleluhah!!!  Bring it on!

SO Anxious!

It's been a really long week.  I honestly wish the morning sickness had come back like it was on Sunday through Tuesday.  Sure it was beyond miserable, but it was very reassuring.  I have no reassurance right now.  There have been a few moments since Wednesday where I've felt a little nauseaus, and brushing my teeth is a chore at times, but otherwise, I just don't really have it that bad...barely at all.  I'm worried.  I'll be worried until 2pm on Tuesday when I see my little babies again. 

Week 7: Blueberry

Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

Acupuncture...the Miracle for Morning Sickness

I've been doing acupuncture since May 2008 for my headaches and infertility, and it's been fabulous.  I was a little out of practice, and hadn't been since my transfer in September.  I've been suffering daily headaches, and then the morning sickness hit so hard, so I made an appointment and went yesterday.  I still have a headache today, unfortunately, but it's almost eerie - my morning sickness is gone.  Completely.  In fact, I feel so good that I'm a little panicked this morning and almost wish it was back.  My 7 week ultrasound can't get here soon enough.  I'm so scared of losing one or both of these babies.

UPDATE:  Okay, it's back.  It's not as bad, but it's definitely back.  Dare I say "yay"?  Twisted, I know.

Breakfast of Champions!

Let me start out by saying that I am VERY grateful to have morning sickness, as I've never had it before with my prior pregnancies and...well, that never turned out so well for me.  Now with that said, let's get this straight.  It is not morning.  It is ALL darn day and night!  And it's so beyond anything I could have imagined.  I almost think I'd feel better if I could actually vomit, but I'm at the nausea/dry heave stage all day.  We'll call it annoying and tiring at this point, but again, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  It's my babies telling me they are all good! 

Babies.  Wow.  Still adjusting.  Okay, back to my post...

My nurse, S, told me to eat something sour.  That same day, a gal in my due date group on FF was talking about grapefruit juice.  Well really...it doesn't get any more sour than that, right?  But I was hesitant.  Seems like the last thing you would want on the verge of vomit, right?  Well, my darling husband picked up some unsweetened, sugarfree grapefruit juice for me last night - figured we'd give it a whirl.  This morning I poured myself a glass to take my thyroid meds with.  I'll be darned...it was much more refreshing than I expected.  I chased it down with a few gingersnaps, and I can honestly say, I feel pretty good for the moment (knock on wood).  So that will be my new morning staple.  Or all day staple, as the case may be. 

In other news, the scale has been kind.  I really wasn't expecting it to be, given that I feel like a cow right now.  Bloat is an understatement.  Is it possible that these babies are giving me a bump already?  It sure looks like it!  Anyway, I kinda looked at the scale, then looked to the heavens and jumped on.  I was ELATED to see that I haven't gained a pound since my transfer on 9/25.  Woot!  Let's see how long I can hold the weight gain at bay!

God Has Blessed Us...TWICE!!!

Well, almost three times technically. 

I can not tell you how nervous I was as Dr. H went in to check things out.  Within a moment, I was in tears.  But my tears were tears of joy, not tears of sadness.  For the first time in four pregnancies, we had a healthy heartbeat at 6 weeks!!!

Baby A measured 6w2d and had a heartbeat of 110 bpm.

Baby B measured 5w6d and had a heartbeat of 107 bpm.

Baby C only had a gestational sac, and it is unlikely that a yolk sac or fetal pole will develop.  In fact, Dr. H suspects that the sac will be gone when we go back on October 27.

I think I'm still in shock.  I knew twins was a possiblity.  I knew a heartbeat today was a possiblity.  I just didn't expect it.  Two healthy babies!  What a  blessing!

Baby A is on top, Baby B is on the bottom.  It's actually the opposite in my uterus - Baby A is on the bottom and Baby B is on top.  Baby C is off to the right of Baby A, but is not in the photo because of the angle.  The angle is also the reason that the sacs appear to be different sizes, but they really only differ by a fraction of a centimeter.

It Was a Rough Night

We had great plans for last night - we were so excited for dinner with two of our favorite couples.  I had lounged around for most of the day relaxing.  I got up to shower and get ready at about 3pm.  At 4pm we were getting ready to walk out the door and I felt like something was "there".  I went to the bathroom and was devastated to find pink on the toilet paper.  The next wipe was red.  And then more red.  I sat on the toilet crying, thinking here we go again.  I pulled out my miscarriage panties and the big granny pad, and cancelled with my friends.

I called the clinic, and fortunately my RE was the one on call.  She was so calm.  She told me that there are many reasons for people to bleed in early pregnancy - that it is very common.  She said that if I am carrying twins, it's even more common.  She also said that people on Lovenox often bleed more than someone not on it.  She told me to skip the baby aspirin tonight, drink my water, stay on bedrest for the night, and she moved my ultrasound up.  It's now at 12:45 today.  I'm SO grateful that she is working today.

The bleeding turned to brown last night, and this morning is very scant.  I'm feeling relieved, but I can't lie...I'm in a total panic about my ultrasound this morning.  I know that we may or may not see a heartbeat, being at 6 weeks today.   But it will be hard to be hopeful, given my past, if we don't see a heartbeat today.

Please keep our baby(s) in your prayers.  I just CAN'T lose another one.

Week 6: Sweet Pea

Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

Longest.Week.Ever!

Six weeks tomorrow.  This week of waiting has been excruitiating for me.  With past pregnancies, my betas were so questionable that I was getting them checked up to 5 times.  This time I only had 3 betas, and the 3rd one was at my request.  So I've had a LONG wait since the last check on this little one.

My ultrasound couldn't get here soon enough.  I'm scared out of my mind that we won't see a heartbeat.  My past has really ruined this time for us.  I've tried not to think about it as much as possible and have tried to enjoy the moment.  I'm just not sure what I'm going to do if we lose this pregnancy.

As far as symptoms, my boobs are REALLY sore.  I'm tempted to say more sore than in previous pregnancies, but it's hard to compare.  I get up to pee about 2-3 times a night - that has been fun!  I don't really have morning sickness yet - now and then I get a little wave of nausea but nothing consistent and nothing near the point of vomitting.  I think I've only gagged on my toothbrush once.  I've been fighting a headache for days - assuming from the step down from caffeine.  I miss real coffee already, but it's an easy sacrifice.  Oh, and I'm TIRED.  OMG I'm SO freaking tired!  About 2pm in the afternoon I seem to hit the wall, and hard.  It has made work very difficult.  I guess I'll start taking a power nap at lunchtime!

PIO has been...well, a pain in the ass.  LOL!  We started heating the oil before injecting and that seems to be helping keep the lumps down.  Thankfully my husband is a ROCK STAR with injections and has only hurt me a few times.  4 weeks down, 6 weeks to go.  That's 42 more injections. 

Please pray for a heartbeat - at least one healthy heartbeat.  Just a few more days to go...

Week 5: Appleseed

Your embryo (looking kind of like a tadpole) is starting to form major organs (heart, kidney, liver, stomach) and systems (nervous, circulatory, digestive). Baby's presence in your uterus triggers production of hCG (the hormone detected by pregnancy tests)... which triggers production of other hormones like estrogen and progesterone... which trigger all those great symptoms you've probably been noticing!

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

Well, this never happens!

Yesterday's beta BLEW me OUT of the water.  Do you know that my highest beta for 18dpo was 330?  And did you know that I'm now above the average for twin AND triplet+  pregnancies according to betabase.info? 

     Single pregnancy at 18dpo:  406
     Twin pregnancy at 18dpo:  803
     Triplet+ pregnancy at 18dpo:  1171
    
     My beta yesterday at 18dpo:  2783

Breathe, sigh, breathe, sigh...

I know if God gives us triplets, it's because he thinks we can handle it.  But we're hoping God blesses us with twins.  Heatlhy, beautiful twins!  We'd be just as thrilled with one healthy baby too.  We're already so blessed and so grateful.

For your viewing pleasure:

Okay, let's all faint together!

I honestly can't believe it.  I was hoping for 450 to 500.  I got 554.  Yes, that is 554 at 15dpo.  HOLY COW!!!!

My progesterone was a wee bit lower than Dr. H would like to see it given my beta.  It's at 23.5 after Prometrium 2x a day and 1cc of PIO per day, so we're increasing the PIO to 1.5cc a day.  I'm tempted to self medicate with a third Prometrium dose.  I mean, I can't get THIS far and then have progesterone take me down.  Though, if Dr. H was overly concerned, she would have increased it.  She said she just didn't want to take any chances with me.  I think she wants this baby as much as we do! 

She also said that she suspects I'm currently pregnant with multiples.  Now before we all get excited (aka freak the heck out), she reminded me of my past and asked me to please not get too attached to the concept.  She told me she didn't want me to be disappointed at my ultrasound on the 20th.  I told her the only thing that would disappoint me would be the lack of a heartbeat.  One baby, two babies, three babies...that's not for me to choose at this point, it's in God's hands.  And for those of you that want the three theme to continue, we don't, so stop it!  LOL!

About the ultrasound - I'll be 6w2d.  I tried to move up my appointment, but Dr. H is in surgery on Friday and off on Monday.  So we have to wait ALL the way until October 20th to find out what's really going on.  Mom, that means no shopping...okay?  Put the credit card DOWN and step AWAY from the internet! 

Sigh...big day.  My cup runneth over! 

Tap...tap...tap...

I hate waiting for betas!  I'll admit it, I'm a little nervous this morning.

Surely that is justified given my past.  And even if this beta is sky high (please God let it be over 450 minimum), I'll still find something else to worry about.  Infertility and miscarriage have put a dark cloud over what should be an absolutely amazing time.  Don't get me wrong -- I'm thrilled, I'm excited, I'm hopeful...but I'm scared out of my ever-loving mind!

I went by Mimi's this morning and picked up my bracelet.  I'm so thrilled to have it back in my posession.  I'm so darn lucky, too.  God bless the kind person who turned it in.  Good karma awaits you.

Tap...tap...tap...ring phone, ring!  Though I've got HOURS ahead of me still.  Sigh...breathe in, breathe out!

Weeks 3 and 4: Poppyseed

In week 3, sperm meets egg, and voila: conception! Your little zygote sets off on a six-day trek through your fallopian tubes, dividing and redividing into identical cells as it travels to your uterus.

In week 4, now safe in your womb, the ball of cells (blastocyst) splits in two, becoming the embryo and the placenta. The amniotic sac and fluid are forming around baby, and will act as a cushion for the next eight months.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

Shocking, I know

I didn't test this morning. Shocking, I know. I sent Scott out to who knows how many stores last night to find Answer EPTs (and rainbow sherbert) so I could stay consistent with the brand. When he got home with them, I had some hesitation about using them. My tests have been SO beautiful up to this point. My beta was beyond explanation yesterday. I'm just overjoyed with this pregnancy so far. So WHY would I take the chance of ruining that joy by seeing a variation of the dye? Sure, it would have been great to see a nice, dark line this morning to add to the progression, but I think I'm done with HPTs for a while. I'll pass the two Answer brand and one CBE Digital on to a friend who is TTC.

Whew...this is just SO darn refreshing. I hope I'm not jinxing myself by feeling this confident about things. I just know that God has my back this time. PRAISE GOD!!!

And the bad news. I have...well, had a beautiful bracelet that my Miracle Chaser girls made for me after we lost angel #3. It had 3 clear butterflies surrounded by pink and blue beads with tiny pearls in between. Near the clasp was a little heart charm.

I didn't wear the bracelet regularly because it was too special and I feared losing it. But I did wear it to my transfer, and to my beta yesterday. Well, somewhere between breakfast and home, my bracelet disappeared. Mom said my bracelet flew away to be with my angels. I'm just devastated.

UPDATE 3:45PM 10/04/09: I have the best news EVER! The restaurant just called. They found my bracelet! I'm picking it up tomorrow. I'm SO flipping happy right now!!!!!

My beta results are in!

I am in SHOCK!

My first pregnancy at 14dpo was 47.
My second pregnancy at 14dpo was 13.
My third pregnancy at 13dpo was 74.

This pregnancy...196. I couldn't help but curse in the poor nurses ear when I replied "Are you effing kidding me". LOL!

I think we're going to have a baby. Or two, maybe. PRAISE GOD!!!

It's beta day! Please God, let it be over 100!

I'm feeling pretty good about my beta, but definitely don't feel it will be sky high based on my HPT comparisons this morning. My guess is it will fall between 100 and 130, and that will be fabulous for me! My HPTs are still getting darker, so that is a good sign!



I'm still very concerned about the lack of symptoms. My breasts don't hurt AT all and it's freaking me out. It's the only thing that is really stomping on my joy with this pregnancy. The only thing I really have is a strong sense of smell and severe, and I mean SEVERE, heartburn.

7dp5dt - I'm really thrilled!

With all of my pregnancies, I've hoped that my tests would progress like the tests of all those other girls. You know, the ones that got pregnant in the first few months or...gasp...accidentally. I couldn't be more thrilled with how this baby is growing. I know I'm not out of the woods given my past, but this is a FABULOUS start, and it's what I always hoped to see.



I talked to my nurse yesterday - she's on vacation but called me from home. She said she could hear a difference in my voice, that I was happier and less concerned that I have been with previous pregnancies. She's right. This is PURE JOY!

6dp5dt - HPT Progression

It's so nice to see the tests doing what they are supposed to do. They are actually getting darker, and it's still VERY early! I think this lil' bug may actually be a healthy one...or two! I'd be pleased as punch with one very healthy baby!



I don't have many symptoms, which is bothersome. Little waves of nausea started last night but nothing extreme or really noteable, and I've got a bit of cramping on and off - nothing bad, totally normal. I do have the smell thing happening. It smelled like maple syrup when I left work yesterday! I have no idea where it was coming from but it smelled so good! My concern is that my boobs don't hurt AT ALL though. Zero sensitivity. This is been my main symptom for my three previous pregancies. I'm stumped!

I'm anxious for my beta. 2 more days!