A Few Good Eggs

Does this Bump Make my Boobs Look Small?

2010-05-16T16:01:00.000-07:00

That is my view looking South. Craziness!

We made it to 36 weeks! Woohoo! I can't EVEN believe I'm TWELVE days away from being a mommy! Life is GOOD!

Mother's Day and a 35.5 Week Update

2010-05-14T08:16:00.000-07:00

Hello neglected blog. Such a shame that I'm home and not updating this. I'll try to do better in the limited time we have left. Once they are born, I'll be moving to a blog site that is more photo-posting friendly.

So let's talk about Mother's Day. Man, how I have HATED Mother's Day for years and years. I have woken up in tears. I have snapped at strangers for saying "Happy Mother's Day" to me. I have been so jealous of everyone out and about with their children while I sat there with empty arms and a broken heart. Last year I had just miscarried my angel that was due in June 2009, and I was in the midst of my first IVF cycle. What a difference a year makes, and my amazing husband made the day SO special for me.

He woke me up with breakfast in bed (we’ll forgive him for waking me up) – banana pancakes with fresh strawberries and blackberries and a cup of juice. He had a beautiful vase of flowers for me, a card, and three charms for my Pandora bracelet – two carriages and a pink glass bead.

My heart was so full of love, for even though they aren’t here yet, I am very much aware of two babies growing inside of me. And I am blessed for having such an amazing husband!

Speaking of babies, my little girls are moving right along. At my 35 week Perinatology appointment – my last, might I add – the girls are both weighing in at 5lbs 15 oz. That’s a whole lot of baby in my belly. They are right on schedule and doing very well. Mommy is measuring 10 weeks ahead (yes, that would be 45+ weeks pregnant for your singleton ladies) and feeling the effects of that on a daily basis.

Carrying twins HURTS. My back, sides and ribs are killing me from them trying to find space to grow. I have constant pressure and feel like they could pop out any minute now, even though I know that isn't the truth. In addition, the swelling in my hands, knees and feet is really bad – so bad that I have pregnancy induced carpal tunnel and can barely grip a pen long enough to sign my name. Blood pressure is good, the bladder infection we found last week is cleared up, and my weight gain is at 39 pounds. I’d love to keep it at 39 – something about 40 freaks me out.

We’ve been talking delivery lately. Last week, both girls were head down and we were looking at inducing a vaginal delivery on June 1. My OB is not on call on Memorial Day Weekend and I’m REALLY uncomfortable going through the weekend without having them born - risking having a stranger deliver my girls. However, this week, Baby B turned transverse (side-to-side), and my OB will likely want to do a C-Section if she doesn’t turn her little head back down. In that case, the girls will be born on May 28. Of course these dates are given that I don’t go in to labor on my own in the next two weeks.

Stay tuned…the good stuff is coming!

34 Weeks: Canteloupe

2010-05-03T09:35:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling every bit of having two canteloupes in my belly!

It's amazing how big the girls are getting. I'm anxious for their measurements next week, but the estimate below should be fairly close. They are very active and I'm absolutely mesmorized by watching them move. It makes me a little nauseated now and then when they both get going - especially if they get near my belly button (which is still an innie, thank you very much!).

I never thought I would make it this far. It's truly a miracle in itself. 34 weeks. Wow. God is truly watching over us.

Your baby now measures about 20.25 inches (45cm) in total length and weighs around 5.5 lbs (2550g). Crown to rump measurement is about 13.2 inches (33cm).

He continues to grow and fatten up, especially in the shoulder area, and kicks regularly.

The fine lanugo hair that covered your baby is shedding, though some may still be present when your baby is born.

Your baby's eyes are blue, though this may change soon after birth or much later after birth.

Your baby's fingernails are growing. They already reach the tips of his fingers and they may even look quite long and pointy by the time he is born. Your baby may even have some scratch marks from scratching his face with his fingernails.

Your baby is probably feeling quite cramped right now and his movements are restricted by his growing size.

Picture courtesy of thebump.com; text courtesy of fertilityfriend.com

33 Week Appointment

2010-04-29T08:11:00.000-07:00

Our OB and hospital appointments were good yesterday. The girls passed their second NST, despite that the poor nurse had a hard time keeping Baby A on the monitor. She was getting REALLY frustrated. I only had a few minor contractions while I was there. Wish they could do my NST in the evening when the contractions are crazy.

There are trace amounts of protein in my urine and my feet are severely swollen (beyond normal swelling) so I'm being monitored for pre-eclampsia. So far my blood pressure has been perfect so we're hoping it stays that way.

I'm measuring 40 weeks. That explains why I feel as miserable as I feel. The girls are still head down. I'll be induced on June 1 (38w2d) if I haven't gone in to labor prior, but she expects I will deliver between 36 and 37 weeks. That's like 2.5 - 3.5 weeks away. Ack! I'm not ready! But at the same time, I am SOOOOOOO ready.

32 weeks 4 days

2010-04-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

It's been a good week. I think coming out of work has helped a ton. My contractions are WAY down. I went from 4-5 an hour to about 10-20 a day, depending on my activity level.

Had a great day yesterday with my mom. We went to Babies R Us to do some exchanges, then had a fabulous lunch. Then off to the hospital to see my friend's newborn and do my first NST. Both babies passed with flying colors. Did a swab to see if I'm leaking fluid, and so far, so good. Then we went down to see my OB for a quick ultrasound. Both girls are still head down - woohoo! From there we went to Pottery Barn Kids to pick up some shelves for the girls' room. I started to slide down hill quick from here so we headed home.

Today I got out and had lunch with my coworkers - so good to see everyone! I miss work...I really do!

Our maternity photos came in and we couldn't be more thrilled with them. I'm not going to post them here for the world to see, but if you send me an email or message me through FF, I'll send you the link. :)

So all in all, things are going very well. I'm feeling so blessed and so thankful for every minute of this, and I can't WAIT for Cailyn and Reegan to be in my arms!

31+3 Appointment Update!

2010-04-15T11:59:00.000-07:00

The girls are doing GREAT! Baby A is 4lbs 2oz and Baby B is 3lbs 12oz. BOTH girls are head down, so as of today I'm getting my vaginal delivery!!!!! Fluid was great, my cervix of steel was just over 4 cm (take THAT Braxton Hicks!), I'm measuring 38 weeks (and I feel EVERY bit of that!). The Peri said "we'll see you in 4 weeks if you're still pregnant". My OB is starting my NSTs next Wednesday so weekly visits, here we come! Great news from both doctors today!

We ordered our stroller today after test driving a few at a local boutique. We got a Baby Jogger City Mini Double in black. This thing folds up SO freaking small and you just grab these two straps and lift it (only 26 pounds) to fold it. It will fit perfect in my lil' Accord. And it fits through doorways and you can push it with one hand - so manueverable. LOVE it!

Moving right along! I'm so excited!

31 Weeks - Maternity Leave!

2010-04-12T17:09:00.000-07:00

It's so surreal to me to have made it this far - wow, 31 weeks!

Friday was my last day of work. It was very bittersweet - quite an emotional day. I'm bored already, but it looks like I left right in the nick of time. We ended up in Labor & Delivery that night with contractions 10 minutes apart. Still no change to my cervix, and the Fetal Fibernectin swab was negative again, so I "should be" good for two more weeks. I just don't trust that test.

I've been taking it easy since then. In fact, we missed our Baby Basics class on Saturday because my uterus would not calm down. Still won't, in fact. We rescheduled for their May class, but I doubt I'll be up for it at that time - I'll be like 35 weeks then. I ordered a couple videos so that should help. Like my mom said - they didn't do classes then and my brother and I somehow survived.

Tuesday night we have Session 1 of our childbirthing class and Wednesday we have a breast/bottle feeding class. We also see the Perinatologist and OB on Wednesday. I can't WAIT to see the girls again!!!

Without further ado, here is the weekly development update. I've switched sources - Fertility Friend is much more thorough. ;-)

Your baby's total length is 18.9 inches (42cm) and she is perfectly formed! She measures about 11.6 inches (29cm) from crown to rump. All she has to do is fill out more. Your baby weighs almost 4 pounds (1800g). If she were to be born now, she would still need to be incubated as she has insufficient fat stores to keep it warm.

Your baby can distinguish between light and dark. Your baby can hear the outside world quite well now, and can also hear the sounds of your heartbeat, your digestion and the blood rushing in the umbilical cord. The pitch of women's voices are in the range babies are most able to hear over all the internal background noise. Your baby is already familiar with your voice and will be able to recognize it after birth.

Almost 30 week update

2010-04-01T18:10:00.000-07:00

I have been a horrible blogger! Let me catch up here.

I had four fabulous showers between 25 and 28 weeks! One thrown by my mother-in-law, one at work, and two thrown by special friends. We feel really blessed for the gifts our girls have received. They will undoubtedly be THE best dressed twins! We've been filling in on necessities as needed and trying to get everything ready.

We had new carpet installed last weekend, and OMG, it is LOVELY! We still have to put everything away though, and that is taking a while. We put the girls cribs together on Sunday and brought in their dressers. I stood in the doorway and sobbed. It's so surreal to me to have baby furniture in a room that has been an empty hole in my heart for so many years. We have nothing on the walls yet, and lots of accessorizing to do, but here is a sneak peak!

Saw my OB on Wednesday at 29w3d. The girls are doing well, and we are moving right along. Blood pressure is good and my weight is only up about 25 pounds. I am measuring at 36 weeks, but I'm apparently carrying small for twins - everyone has said that, and my OB agreed. I guess I'm getting lucky - it's the first time in my life that people have commented on how small I am! Here is the belly at 28 weeks - it's gotten a bit bigger since this.

Baby A is head down and Baby B is still breech, so my OB is recommending a c-section. I'm not thrilled about it, but I'd rather do that then labor to deliver Baby A and end up with a c-section anyway for Baby B. So it looks like the girls will be born sometime between May 24 and May 28...Geminis...how fitting!

For now I'm still working. I think my last day will be April 9 or April 16. I'm trying to hold out as long as I can, but the back pain really makes it hard. After that, I plan on spending a lot of time floating on a noodle in my mom's pool!

I see my Perinatologist in 2 weeks, then the following week I start NSTs weekly at the hospital followed by a quick ultrasound at my OB's office. I have a feeling time is about to start flying by. I can't believe I'm going to have these girls in my arms in just 7.5 weeks!

29 Weeks: Squash

2010-03-28T15:31:00.000-07:00

Baby’s energy is surging, thanks to the formation of white fat deposits beneath the skin. (Have those kicks and jabs to the ribs tipped you off yet?) Baby is also settling into sleep and waking cycles, though -- as you’ve also probably noticed -- they don’t necessarily coincide with your own. Also this month, all five senses are finally functional, and the brain and nervous system are going through major developments.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

28 Weeks: Eggplant...STILL!

2010-03-24T07:40:00.001-07:00

A few days late, but better late than never...my poor blog is neglected. I need to sit down tonight with a nice update. Until then...our 28 week update from thebump.com:

Let your spouse put an ear to your belly -- he might be able to pick up baby's heartbeat (no stethoscope required). Inside the womb, the formation of tiny capillaries is giving baby a healthy pink glow. Baby's also soaking up your antibodies, getting the immune system ready for life outside the womb. Eyes are forming, and baby will soon perfect the blink -- perfect for batting those freshly grown lashes.

Text courtesy of thebump.com

27w3d Peri and OB Appointment Update

2010-03-18T07:48:00.000-07:00

My appointments yesterday were great - saw the Peri in the morning and the OB in the afternoon. The girls are in the 53rd and 57th percentile and weighing in at 2.7 and 2.8 pounds. Only a 3% difference in their measurements which is great. Baby A is head down and right on my cervix. She is on the left side. Baby B is vertex/breech on the right side. My cervix is still over 4.5cm. Unbelievable after the braxton hicks beating it's been taking!

Our next ultrasound with the Peri is in four weeks. I see my OB every two weeks still, and she will start NSTs and weekly visits at 32 weeks.

Moving right along!

27 Weeks and STILL an eggplant - guess there isn't any appropriate produce?

2010-03-14T12:04:00.001-07:00

Baby's lungs are going through some major developments these days, which (combined with the opening of previously plugged nostrils) means he's now able to practice inhaling and exhaling. The lack of air in your womb means every "breath" is filled with amniotic fluid, but hey -- it's progress.

Text courtesy of thebump.com

Another trip to Labor & Delivery

2010-03-13T07:52:00.000-08:00

I spent the night in Labor & Delivery again. I was having contractions Friday morning but I was able to stop them with water and rest. Unfortunately they were were bad last night - every 7-10 minutes. The on-call OB didn't hesitate and had me come in. They hooked me up to the monitor and verified what I was feeling. I was in fact having contractions often. They gave me a test called a fetal fibronectin. This test is given to women with signs of preterm labor between 24 and 34 weeks. Fewer than 5% of women with a negative result will deliver in the next two weeks. Luckily my test was negative so I was sent home. I've been put back on bedrest for the weekend (they are allowing me to go to my baby shower today, but I can't drive and have to stay sitting accept to use the restroom) and have to increase my water intake. I'll call my OB Monday morning to see if I can go back to work or not. The good news is the girls are doing great - heartbeats are fabulous. My next ultrasound to check their growth and my cervix is on Wednesday. I'm praying my cervix is still long and closed after all of this.

26 Weeks: Still an Eggplant

2010-03-10T07:28:00.001-08:00

Baby's soaking up your antibodies, getting her immune system ready for life outside the womb. Eyes are forming, and she'll soon be practicing the blink...perfect for batting those freshly grown lashes.

Text courtesy of thebump.com

25 Weeks: Eggplant

2010-02-28T08:29:00.000-08:00

Baby's now the size of an eggplant! That oh-so-handy sense of equilibrium is kicking in, and baby's learning to distinguish right side up from upside down.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com.

24 Weeks: Still a Papaya

2010-02-21T16:36:00.000-08:00

We made it to 24 weeks - hooray for viability. Though they girls still need to stay put for 10-12 weeks. With that said, it's been a rough day. I've been feeling pretty bad. My uterus has been rock hard everytime I stand up and I seem to be having a lot of braxton hicks contractions this evening. I hate not knowing when to call my OB and when not to call. It seems like every Sunday I have problems. I'm going to do a lot of praying and pleading to get through the night and hopefully I'll wake up feeling better tomorrow.

From the bump.com:
Baby's skin is becoming more opaque as the fat starts to pack on. And, thanks to the formation of small capillaries, her newly thick skin is taking on a fresh pink glow.

23+3 Peri and OB Appointments

2010-02-20T16:05:00.000-08:00

Can I just say PRAISE GOD!!!

I saw the Perinatologist and my OB this past Wednesday. After weeks of Braxton Hicks contractions, my cervix is perfect - over 4.5cm and no sign of funneling. My amniotic fluid levels were good. The girls weigh 1.5 and 1.6 pounds - they are at the 44th and 50th percentile for their age which is great. Baby A's placenta is no longer low lying and my SCH is gone. The Perinatalogist said I am in the 2nd lowest risk factor for preterm labor (for a twin pregnancy) - the lowest being someone who has already had a full term vaginal birth. He said that based on the ultrasound, I have the perfect twin pregnancy (which is ironic given that I've been on bedrest for 6 weeks)!

Given that report, my OB released me from bedrest and I went back to work part time on Thursday. It was tough to go from laying around for weeks to working 4-5 hours, but it was SO good to be back. I really missed my co-workers and my job. Not to worry though...I'm taking it easy. I'm only there for 6 weeks, then I'll go out on maternity leave. It's all happening so fast now!

Hallelujah!!!

23 Weeks

2010-02-14T10:06:00.000-08:00

One more week to viability. Lord give me strength to get there. I'm having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. Last night I got a bit of a break, but they are slamming me pretty bad this morning. Can't wait for my Peri appointment on Wednesday. I'll feel SO much better knowing that the girls, my cervix and my amniotic fluid levels are in check.

The scale is starting to move again. I'm up 14 pounds as of this morning, which I'm still pretty pleased with. I don't see too much of a difference over the past couple weeks but I seem to be getting more round. Here is the 23 week bump!

We're still a Papaya, according to thebump.com, but we have new development this week: Baby's little face is fully formed...minus the baby fat, of course. The next task at hand for baby: sprouting two teeny-tiny nipples!

A Shopping We Will Go...

2010-02-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

We've picked our bedding and furniture and I'm SO excited to get it! We're ordering the furniture from Babies R Us this weekend, and the bedding is on hold at Pottery Barn Kids for us to pick up. I can't WAIT to get the girls' nursery put together. I swear I'm just going to sit in there and smile.

Our bedding:

Our furniture: Two cribs, the four drawer and the combo.

Month 5 (Weeks 22 - 24): Papaya

2010-02-07T08:49:00.000-08:00

Watch what you say -- baby is now able to hear outside noise from down in the womb. Studies show that baby finds gentle music and your own voice most soothing. Nipples are starting to sprout, and that little face is fully formed. And, baby's starting to settle into sleep cycles, snoozing about 12 to 14 hours a day. It shouldn't be hard to figure out when -- just pay attention to those kicks as they start and stop.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

21 Week Appointment Update

2010-02-06T19:11:00.000-08:00

I saw my OB on Thursday, and for now, all is well.

Total weight gain at 21+4 is 11 pounds (this really shocks me because I usually gain weight SO easily, but my OB is totally fine with it given my starting weight and the fact that the babies are right on target).

Blood pressure is 122/81

Fundus is measuring 29 weeks.

She's keeping me on bed rest for two more weeks. She wants the spotting to completely stop. As of Friday morning, it has. She did lift me from strict rest to modified rest - told me not to lay in bed all day but to get up on the couch. She just wants me off my feet. I see the Peri on 2/17 and see her right after I see them, hopefully all will be well and I can go back to having some kind of life! She did approve me to work from home 3-4 hours a day, so we're going to work on seeing if the company will approve it.

She wasn't worried about the BHs at all. I guess she looked at the record from the monitor in L&D and said that most of them were just signs of an irritable uterus and not full on contractions. She didn't even feel the need to check my cervical length, even though I asked if she would. She said with it being 5cm two weeks ago, and with it being posterior, hard and closed on Sunday, that she had no doubts in her mind that PTL was not an issue for me at this stage. The peri will check it on the 17th.

My urine tested positive for GBS, which is not a big deal - 40% of all pregnant women get it. It just made me laugh...one more thing to add on to the list of so called complications.

Just about 2 more weeks to viability! Keep on praying for us!

The better late than never update

2010-02-03T19:23:00.000-08:00

We had a little bit of a scare this past Sunday which sent us to Labor & Delivery. I was contracting pretty crazy. It was validating to watch it on the monitor and know that what I was feeling was really a contraction. At the same point, I was hoping they would stop once I got there...but they didn't, in fact they seemed to pick up in frequency.

They said I have an irritable uterus caused by all the fertility treatments and the D&C. I'm wishing now that I waited a few more months after my D&C to do this transfer. And then the bleeding from the SCH was just the cherry on the cake.

They said that contractions are contractions - the only difference between Braxton Hicks and Labor Contractions is BH are usually less painful and don't cause cervical dialation where Labor Contractions are more painful because they are causing cervical dialation. I asked about turbutaline, and they said that is only given once your cervix starts to soften and/or dialate. Because it has negative side effects too, they don't give it until there is a real need, which I apparently don't have. I have zero signs of dialation even remotely starting.

They said this was likely how it was going to be for me and that they would only get worse as the babies grew. They said I'm probably more sensitive to it - that if you lined up 10 pregnant women on the monitor, that they would all be having contractions but most wouldn't feel them all. I'm apparently feeling them all.

If this continues, I may be given the steroid shot at 24 weeks to mature the girls' lungs. There are also medications they can administer if my cervix does begin to dilate, God forbid. At this point, all I can do is hope and pray that the contractions stay light, that my water doesn't break, and that everyone stays put for AT LEAST five more weeks.

Quite a scare and I'm still freaked out, but I understand a bit more now and feel a bit more comfortable. I see my OB tomorrow and we'll see what is in store for us.

So here we are at 21 weeks!

2010-01-31T12:28:00.000-08:00

How is it possible that I've only gained 10 pounds? Seriously, pre-pregnancy I could easily have gained 10 pounds in a weekend! All I can think is that these girls have a crazy metabolism (that they must have received from their daddy) and that I'm reaping the benefits. My OB said my weight was great last time I went in, and she said as long as they were growing on schedule, that she was okay with my gain being on the low end. I thought for sure after 3 weeks of bedrest that I'd be up at least a few. But I still eat VERY small quantities - I just can't get a lot down. I've been drinking a TON of water too, so that might be helping.

Here is the current belly - I have to say, I love the front shot!!!

My spotting is light, but it's still there. I wish it would go away completely, but I'm VERY thankful for light. It's a huge step above heavy, clotty or gasp...red. I've got at least 1 more week of bedrest ahead of me and then we'll see where we're at with everything.

I'm having braxton hicks contractions now, and a pretty steady rate at night time. Something new to worry about - joy! I know they are normal, but it seems like when I lay down and I'm not doing anything that I just get one after the other. Isn't that the opposite of how they are supposed to go? I see my OB on Thursday, but she doesn't do ultraosunds at this stage. I'm going to call the Perinatologist on Monday and see if I can get in and have my cervix checked. Begging may be involved and I'm surely not too proud to do it. I need the peace of mind of knowing that my cervix is still over 5cm and closed like Fort Knox after weeks of bleeding and now a week of BH!

Three weeks until viability - taking it one day at a time until I get there. Twelve weeks away from my 33 week milestone (33 weeks is the difference between the Peri delivering at the Level III NICU vs. my OB delivering at the Level II NICU. Pray, pray, pray.

Week 21: Banana

2010-01-31T12:20:00.000-08:00

Baby gulps down several ounces of amniotic fluid every day, both for hydration and nutrition and to practice swallowing and digesting. And, these days, those taste buds actually work! Studies show that after birth, babies are most interested in tastes they've already experienced through amniotic fluid. Meaning, think about what you want your future child to eat as you prepare your own lunch.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

Struggling along

2010-01-28T08:12:00.000-08:00

This pregnancy has been so hard on me. I'm so worried that I'm going to lose the girls - and that worry comes daily...hourly.

I had red bleeding at 6 weeks. I had brown spotting every day from 7 weeks through 12.5 weeks. I had red bleeding at 11 weeks. I had a reprieve between 12.5 and 18 weeks. At 18 weeks I had brown spotting and cramping followed by an episode of red blood pouring out of me. I was put on bedrest where I've been since. I've been spotting brown since the bleed, and now I'm passing brown tissue and have a shooting pain in my cervix. I would swear that I was having Braxton Hicks in my sleep last night, too. I woke up at 2am and tossed and turned all night with a tight feeling in my uterus. I'm calling my OB today and hoping she can put my mind at ease a bit. I hate calling there...they always seem to make me feel like an idiot...like my fear and worry isn't justified. Easy for them to feel that way though - I'm guessing they haven't been through what I have been through.

I'm on the fence with excitement. I'm so afraid to get too attached - not that I haven't already. I still feel like this is going to get taken away from me suddenly. I can't stop feeling that way and I hate it. Everyone says to enjoy pregnancy because it goes so fast. Sure, I'm loving feeling them squirm and kick inside of me, and I love that I finally look pregnant, but I have not had the opportunity to enjoy being pregnant because it's been so plagued with fear.

Those of you that pray, please pray. I can't lose these girls. I just can't.

UPDATE: I talked to Dr. V. She told me I should get into therapy because she doesn't anticipate that this bumpy road is going to get any smoother. She reminded me that there is nothing either of us can do to hurt or help my pregnancy - that the SCH and low lying placenta issues are completely out of my hands.

She said the tissue passing was normal. She said as long as it's not red, that my SCH isn't getting worse and isn't active - she said she has NO concern with any brown spotting, discharge or tissue.

She said the shooting pains in my cervix/vagina are normal.

She said that since I couldn't designate a beginning and end point that I am probably not having contractions, but it is just my uterus growing and adjusting.

She told me that SCH does increase my risk of losing them, but at this point there were no red flags (like active red bleeding) to indicate concern to her, but at the same time, she can't tell me that everything will be okay.

So I stay here laying down, taking one day at a time, praying we make it to the next milestone (24 weeks).

Week 20: Canteloupe

2010-01-24T08:57:00.000-08:00

Baby's digestive system is busy creating meconium (a tarry black substance made of swallowed amniotic fluid, digestive secretion and dead cells), which will fill the first diaper after birth. And, speaking of the diaper situation... baby's genitals are now fully formed!

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

So that pocket of "goo"...

2010-01-21T07:37:00.000-08:00

I haven't spotted since the weekend. Go to the perinatologist, no internal involved - just an u/s...he says there is more to come out, and wa-la - I woke up spotting again. I have a bad feeling that my bedrest journey will not end tomorrow. :( I worry so much about my job. I know the girls are the most important thing, but my job is pretty important to me too.

I'm wondering now how I'm going to do anything if I end up staying here in bed. We wanted to tour the hospital, take a safety class, and take a newborn class in March. I also have three showers planned, and the hostesses are wondering if they should even send invites. And I haven't bought a thing for the girls - I'm not even registered yet.

I'm a little depressed today. Haven't I payed my dues just trying to GET pregnant? Do I really have to suffer and worry through the whole pregnancy too?

Anatomy Scan Today!

2010-01-20T14:33:00.000-08:00

We had our Anatomy Scan with the Perinatalogist today. Everything looks good. There is a pocket of "goo" that might still bleed out, so my ER incident may have had less to do with my placenta (which is still low lying) and more to do with a subchorionic hematoma. He said it was likely that she may keep me on bedrest for the duration of the pregnancy, but with more flexibility than just eating/bathroom/shower breaks. We'll see on Friday when I follow up with my OB. It's her call, since she put me on bedrest to begin with. She seemed to imply that this wasn't permanant at my last appointment, so who knows!

The girls (and they are FOR SURE both girls) are doing great. Measuring on schedule (19-20 weeks), weighing in at 10-12 ounces each, and 6.5-7" long. Both are transverse (laying side to side accross me). Baby A is on the bottom and her head is on my left. Baby B is on top and her head is on my right. No signs of Downs Syndrome, Spina Bifida, cleft palate, physical deformities or any organ issues.

I'll post pictures later - they are BEYOND precious! We still don't have our scanner hooked up to the new post-robbery computer. Which reminds me, I REALLY need to complete the robbery police report and insurance paperwork. Agh! I guess that can be tomorrow's task!

Another day in paradise...I mean, in bed

2010-01-17T08:47:00.000-08:00

Bed rest is SO boring. Geesh...as good as it sounds to not go to work, it's not. I'm lonely, I'm depressed and I'm scared for my baby girls. But things do seem to be improving so at least it's working. The spotting is pretty much gone this morning. No sign that Monday night happened at all. I'm assuming if there was an issue with abruption, that I would still be bleeding. Hopefully my placenta is moving up, although my belly is just not growing that fast. Well...it is growing though!

I lost a pound this week so I'm only up 9 pounds at 19 weeks. I guess I'd better talk to my doctor about that this Wednesday. I never thought a lack of weight gain would be an issue for me. It's not like I'm not eating a TON. And while laying in bed, no less.

Let me brag about my sweet husband. He has been AMAZING. He's working 7am to 6pm and then coming home and taking care of me, the house and the furbabies. And he brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers yesterday to brighten up the scenery from my bed. I'm so blessed to have someone that is truly a partner and not just a spouse. I honestly couldn't have asked for better.

Guess who is loving bedrest? LOL!

Week 19: Mango

2010-01-17T08:44:00.000-08:00

Vernix caseosa, a greasy white substance made of lanugo, oil, and dead skin cells (yum) now coats baby's skin, shielding it from the amniotic fluid. (Picture yourself after a nine-month bath, and the need for protection makes sense.) You might get to see the vernix at birth, especially if baby is premature.

Photo and text courtesty of thebump.com

Burglary, Bedrest and Baby Girls

2010-01-14T07:49:00.000-08:00

I think I'll be spending a little more time keeping this blog updated now, given the following.

First off, our home was burglarized last week. DH came at 4:45 to find our front door kicked in. They didn’t take a ton of electronics, but they did steal most of my jewelry including some heirlooms. Then we got robbed again when we found out our insurance had a $1000 limit on jewelry. We took a huge loss but we’re trying to put it behind us. We’re very thankful that they didn’t vandalize our home or hurt our pets. We’ve got a new door, and a new alarm system, and we’re trying to get over the invasion of someone being in our home.

Saturday night I had a sharp cramp down low. I would compare it to a pulled muscle feeling, and had I been moving, I would have assumed it was round ligament pain...accept I wasn't moving when it happened. Sunday morning at church it started hurting again. When I came home from church, I found out that I had a bit of brown spotting. I called my OB and she wasn't concerned, but said if I was worried I could go to the Er. Well, I was worried so off we went. The ER was great - they got us right in. They ran my blood and did a urinalysis for a UTI, and then did a full anatomy scan u/s. The babies were doing great, and at that appointment it was confirmed that I am carrying two baby girls. My cervix was measuring 4.8cm - long and closed. The ER doc mentioned that I might have a low lying placenta according to the tech. He said he spoke to my OB, and I was being discharged on pelvic rest.

I went to work Monday and just had very light spotting throughout the day, no cramping that stands out. Monday night I started to have really bad cramping, got up to check and found red spotting. Within minutes, it went from spotting, to period like flow, to pouring out of me like it did when I miscarried. We drove to the local ER rather than the one 30 minutes away that I will deliver at and in 10 minutes I filled a pad completly. On the way there I called my OB and she told me to tell them I have a low lying placenta. I'm a little pissed she didn't tell me that when I talked to her on Monday, but I think she knows it would have panicked me and maybe she thought things would not get worse and it would be a mute point. Anyway, the ER was very responsive. They wheeled me into the trauma room and had IVs in both of my arms before I could snap my fingers. One for fluid, one in case I needed blood. The ER doc came in and checked and my bleeding had slowed down. They ran all my blood again and did another full anatomy scan. The tech told me the girls are measuring 9 ounces and measuring right on schedule for 18 weeks. They told me they could admit me, or I could go home for the night. After seeing the clientele that comes in after midnight (many with police or security escorts), we happily were discharged and got home around 2pm.

My OB called me Tuesday morning and brought me in for a follow up. She did an internal and told me that there were lots of clots that were still going to come out, but that my cervix is nice and closed. She's placed me on bedrest through January 22. I see the perinatologist on January 20 and a follow up with my OB two days later. We'll see where we go from there.

So I'm home, I'm bored already, and laundry is piling up around me. Poor hubs had a hard time finding clean socks today. :( I feel awful I can't help him. But these little girls are obviously the only thing I am responsible for taking care of right now.

18 Weeks: Sweet Potato

2010-01-10T08:24:00.000-08:00

18 weeks...holy moly! Where has the time gone? I'm so thankful! It's nice to finally feel pregnant and I'm starting to actually look pregnant and not fat. I'm only up 10 pounds which thrills me to no end, but I know they'll be backing on shortly as the babies really start to grow. I felt one of them move for the first time on Friday night. The most amazing feeling EVER and I can't wait to feel it daily!

Baby's become amazingly mobile (compared to you, at least), passing the hours yawning, hiccupping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking, and swallowing. And baby is finally big enough that you'll soon be able to feel her movements.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

Moving Right Along

2010-01-03T08:55:00.001-08:00

I'm having a really hard time believing that I'm actually 17 weeks pregnant with twins. It's SO surreal!

I'm feeling pretty good these days. It's been over a week since I've been sick, so yay for that. I've really suffered with headaches though, but I don't think they are necessarily related to the pregnancy itself. I used to get tension headaches 3-5 days a week for years until I started acupuncture. It's been a while since I've had a treatment. Add that to the fact that I can't sleep on my belly anymore and wake up with a stiff neck daily, and I think we have our culprit. I'm having a hard time getting in for acupuncture, but I'm going to have to figure something out.

Weight gain is going well - did I just say that? LOL! Seriously though, I can't tell you how freaking THRILLED I am to only be up 10 pounds at 17 weeks, especially with all the holiday food in the past 6 weeks. I know it's coming though. The nurse said that they normally see people gain 10 pounds between 16 and 20 weeks. Yikes! I just hope my gain is enough for the babies to be healthy. This is the point where they are packing on the fat (the babies, not me), though I know they will take the nutrients they need from me first.

17 more days before we find out the gender and the shopping begins! Woohoo!

17 Weeks: Onion

2010-01-03T08:52:00.000-08:00

Baby's skeleton is hardening, changing from rubbery cartilage to bone, and fat is finally accumulating around it. His umbilical cord is getting thicker and stronger, and those little fingers and toes now feature one-of-a-kind prints.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

Elective Gender Scan

2010-01-01T11:19:00.000-08:00

We went for an elective gender scan on Wednesday at one of the 3D clinics. I was really unimpressed with this place, which was disappointing. The girl tried though, I have to give her credit. My babies were very uncooperative, so I can't say if someone with more experience would have had better luck or not. On a good note, both babies were doing well - very active and healthy looking!

Baby A had the cord between his/her legs the first try. The second try, s/he would NOT sit still. She "thinks" this baby is a girl. I don't see why she's saying girl, other than not seeing a penis.

Baby B had his foot between his legs the first try. The second try, he had his hand over his genitals - gotta be a boy, right? The third shot, we got a view of what appears to be a penis. We're pretty certain the gender is correct on him, but not betting the bank on it.

She did say we could come back for 50% off within two weeks, but our full anatomy scan with the perinatologist is in 3 weeks, so for now we're going with "inconclusive". The economy will have to wait for grandma and I (and auntie Keli) to start shopping.

16 Week OB Appointment

2010-01-01T11:14:00.000-08:00

After a weekend of cramping and lots of pushing/pressure, I went in for my 16 week appointment on Monday, December 28.

No ultrasound unfortunately, but everything looks good. Heartbeats were great. Baby on the right was going crazy - she had a hard time getting him/her to stay still for 15 seconds to check the heartrate! My uterus measurement is 22 weeks. My BP was 124/75. No weight gain between 12-16 weeks on her scale - I'm up about 8-10 total on my home scale which I think is good for twins. Cervix was long and closed up tight - she said it looked like a non-pregnant cervix. Good I'm guessing? So everything is going well. Still sick on and off, and still very tired, but I feel good for the most part. I'm still in shock I think.

Here is my 16 week belly. I included the 10 week belly shot for comparison.

16 Weeks: Avocado

2009-12-27T08:44:00.001-08:00

Watch what you say...tiny bones forming in baby's ears mean she can now pick up your voice. A few more minuscule changes: Eyebrows, lashes, and hair are starting to fill in, and taste buds are forming.

15.5 Week Update

2009-12-23T11:59:00.000-08:00

My poor neglected blog. Let me ramble on a bit.

We're 15.5 weeks and I couldn't be happier. I'm feeling good. The nausea and vomitting seem to have passed for the most part, and I'm on day two being headache free. My thyroid is holding its own - Dr. K is watching me like a hawk and running my blood every 3 weeks. Last check, my TSH (0.03) was low, but my T3 (311) and T4 (1.1) are running the show, and they are normal.

I'm barely showing. Those that know my body type know the bump is new, but to everyone else, I look like I've indulged in one too many Christmas cookies. Well, I have actually. LOL! Shockingly enough, I'm only up 8 pounds as of this morning, so that is pretty darn good, especially considering how easily I normally gain weight. It's been a joy to not count calories for the past four months, and weighing weekly instead of daily has been a change for the better for me.

Okay, let's get down to the nitty gritty. The cramping is making me CRAZY. It's been so long since I've seen the babies (over 3 weeks which seems like ages to me) and I'm paranoid and dying for an ultrasound. My OB apparently only does a doppler check at 16 weeks, but I think I'm going to beg her to measure the babies and check their fluid. I think I've read one too many stories of people leaking fluid or having an incompetent cervix and I'm terrified of having a second trimester loss now. I guess I'm just paranoid of a loss, period. I can't imagine getting this far and then losing them. I've been listening to their heartbeats every night with the doppler, so I know there hearts are still beating away. I'm thankful we've had that to hold on to.

15 Weeks: Naval Orange

2009-12-20T08:33:00.000-08:00

Continuing the march toward normal proportions, baby's legs now out-measure his arms. And, finally, all four limbs have functional joints. Your fetus is squirming and wiggling like crazy down in the womb, though you probably can't feel the movements just yet.

Week 14: Lemon

2009-12-13T08:12:00.000-08:00

Since when is a lemon bigger than a peach? I'm a bit shocked (and disappointed) that my belly is not growing much at all. I really expected to be showing more by now, but my little itty bitty bump hasn't grown at all. Which worries me, of course.

Your adorable little fetus is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, making urine, and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver, kidneys, and spleen continue to develop. Lanugo (thin, downy hair) is growing all over her body for warmth.

The Results are IN!!!

2009-12-10T19:15:00.000-08:00

The Genetic Counselor called this afternoon. I had left two messages for her, and I guess she could hear the worry in my voice. She said the results hadn't come in yet, but she called and had them faxed.

I was concerned because...well, I'm old. Also, the risk of chromosomal issues is higher with people pregnant after IVF/ICSI because the process of natural selection is eliminated.

So as I said a few posts down, our measurements were 1.3 and 1.6, which is fabulous - below the 2.5 that they wanted to see.

The risk of Down's Syndrome just based on my age alone is about 1/250. I don't know the risk of T18 just based on age alone.

Here are the numbers based on my age, my measurements above, and my bloodwork (PAPP-A and HCG):

Based on my age
Down's Syndrome: 1/1600
Trisomy 18: 1/53000

Based on the embryo's age (they were retrieved in May)
Down's Syndrome: 1/1800
Trisomy 18: 1/71000

We could not be more THRILLED! God is surely blessing us tenfold, and we are SO very grateful.

Next stop: Anatomy/Gender Scan on 1/20/2010!!!!!

Week 13: Peach

2009-12-06T08:30:00.001-08:00

Your fetus is forming teeth and vocal cords... savor this, their non-functional phase. Baby is approaching normal proportions, with a head now only one third the size of the body. Intestines are in the process of moving from the umbilical cord to baby's tummy.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

For Alysia...

2009-12-02T19:51:00.000-08:00

Because you asked...

10 weeks 5 days (pardon the messy mirror)

12 weeks 3 days (not sure what's up with the wrinkle just above my pants...nice...NOT!)

NT Scan and Genetic Counseling

2009-12-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

We had our NT Scan and Genetic Counseling today. I tossed and turned ALL night long thinking about this appointment. Funny though, I didn't get as worried as I normally get before an ultrasound. I guess it's sinking in that I'm pregnant.

The scan went great. Their nuchal folds measured 1.3 and 1.6 which is below the 2mm "there might be a problem" coverline. I loved seeing our little ones on the screen. They were kicking and squirming like crazy. SO amazing. The babies were measuring 12w5d and 12w6d and heartbeats were 155 and 156. Fabulous news all around!!! Here are my little loves!!! Cuties, huh?

Then the Perinatologist came in, checked on all the measurements, and talked about what lies ahead. We had previously been told we wouldn't be sent for the first trimester screening blood work because our third sac (blighted ovum) would skew the results, but then he said because he couldn't see the third sac, he was going to run the bloodwork portion of the scan anyways. This was a little upsetting to me, because I was happy and thrilled with the news we already had, and I've heard way too many stories of false positives with twins/triplets. But I gave up the blood and then we left for lunch.

We came back after lunch and met with the Genetic Counselor. She went over our family, medical and reproductive histories. We talked in detail about odds and false postives and the "what ifs", and I told her that I wasn't sure I wanted them to run my blood. She said that they could cancel the order if that was what I decided. In the end, she felt like my results would be better than the results from my embyro age, which is 1:150, so we went ahead with it. We did decline doing a CVS and I'm 99% sure we won't do an amnio either. They'll call with the blood results in about 10 days.

So overall it was a GREAT day and I couldn't be happier. I still can't believe these two little people will be in our arms in 6 short months! I'm still in a daze!!!

Week 12: Plum

2009-11-29T09:37:00.001-08:00

As you move into the second trimester, baby shifts into the growth and maturation stage. After weeks in the critical development stage, almost all of baby's systems are fully formed.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

20 reasons why it's GREAT to have twins!

2009-11-22T10:05:00.000-08:00

Finding out that you're pregnant with twins is often a shock. But there are lots of reasons to be excited about bringing two babies into the world at the same time. Here are just some of them.

1. Knowing that you are only going to have to go through the birth process once to end up with two children.

2. Enjoying the fun of choosing two baby names that fit together perfectly.

3. Being able to hold one baby in each arm and feeling a huge rush of love and pride.

4. Watching your babies sleeping peacefully side by side.

5. Having to establish only one routine.

6. Getting all the sleepless nights over and done with in one go.

7. Watching them carve out their own identities as they grow.

8. Knowing that they are going to have a best friend in each other for life.

9. Enjoying the attention that twins inevitably attract.

10. Feeling confident that they can help each other on their first day of school.

11. Discovering all their amazing little differences.

12. Watching them create their own secret language and games.

13. Knowing that they will never be lonely.

14. Loving the fact that they are constant playmates and can entertain each other.

15. Feeling special because you've joined the exclusive club of twin mums – together with the likes of Jennifer Lopez and Julia Roberts.

16. Only having to buy one of every must-have toy and not having to give baby number two (by a few minutes!) hand-me-downs.

17. Only having to bake one birthday cake and throw one party a year.

18. Seeing them learning and encouraging each other to reach their milestones.

19. Watching them taking care of each other when one is upset or hurt.

20. Knowing that their shared history means they have one of life's most unbreakable bonds.

Week 11: Lime

2009-11-22T09:15:00.000-08:00

Your fetus currently enjoys a 1:1 ratio between body and head, and has skin so transparent that blood vessels show right through. But, fingers and toes are no longer webbed, and hair follicles, tooth buds and nail beds are forming -- setting up a significantly more attractive future.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

Our Little Loves!

2009-11-18T20:41:00.000-08:00

Today was a rough day (I sound like a broken record). I've been spotting for 3.5 weeks and this past Sunday started having some cramping. I went to insert my suppository this morning and found bright red blood. My heart SANK, as you can imagine. Fortunately I had an OB appointment scheduled, so I tried to pull myself together for a couple of hours until the appointment.

The bleeding had stopped by the time I got there and returned to my status quo spotting. Dr. V couldn't find a source of the blood, but suspects that my cervix is irritated by the suppositories.

I had my very first abdominal ultrasound. Baby B was squirming and kicking around and Baby A was kicking back. She pushed on the sac to wake him/her up, but with no success she said that was my mello child. The babies had nice heartbeats of 151 and 161.

She validated my worries and said she expects me to be anxious given my past and the fact that I'm high risk. She told me that she can't tell me everything will be okay obviously, but that everything looked really good.

Here are our little bugs - they sure are growing fast!!!

Baby A

Baby B

Having One of "Those" Days

2009-11-17T07:53:00.000-08:00

I'm having one of those worrisome "I don't feel pregnant anymore" days. The cramping and spotting have really freaked me out. And now my boobs don't hurt AT ALL this morning and I didn't gag brushing my teeth for the first time in a long time.

I keep watching people in my DD group on FF with the same symptoms (or lack of symptoms) go in for ultrasounds and come back having no heartbeat anymore. It's scaring me to death. I just can't let go of the past. I can't get to a point where I feel good that this is going to happen for us. I'm very scared that we will get bad news tomorrow. I feel like I've told too many people too early and jinxed it. I've got two shower dates set already...bad omen?

Sigh...I wish I could just be a person who could get pregnant and just have normal worries rather than having a history of miscarriage and a $15K procedure required to get me pregnant.

Please God let my babies be alive and thriving tomorrow.

Week 10: Prune

2009-11-15T07:55:00.000-08:00

With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. Soon, legs will too.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

One Year Ago Today

2009-11-09T15:38:00.000-08:00

November 9, 2008 was one of the worst days of my life. It was a Sunday. I sat at home with my husband and miscarried our first baby. It was such a horrendous thing to go through physically and emotionally, and I don't wish it on my worst enemy.

It's amazing what we've been through, how far we've come, and where we are today.

I had a rough weekend. The miscarriage anniversary was adding on to the worry that constant spotting and cramping had plagued me with. When I woke up this morning, I called my fertility clinic (yes, the clinic that graduated me 2 weeks ago) and asked them if I could come in for a "reassurance scan". The receptionist told me that they couldn't see me for a scan since I was past 9 weeks. What did I do? I cried, of course. They found an RE for me to talk to (not my RE, but the one that did my last transfer) and she agreed to have me come in. Luckily I was put on my own RE's schedule and went in at 10:00 AM today.

I'm so lame. Seriously. I was convinced I had lost the babies. I must learn to have confidence in these two, because they are THRIVING!!!

Baby A measured 9w3d with a heartrate of 176.

Baby B measured 9w4d with a heartrate of 166.

My lil' bugs were dancing and jumping all around. It was THE most precious thing I've seen in my life.

What a blessing they are. What an absolute blessing!

Week 9: Green Olive

2009-11-08T08:48:00.000-08:00

Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like...well...a baby!

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com.

Our Miracles at 8 Weeks

2009-11-03T12:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a BIG day! A milestone, for sure!

Rewind...

On October 29, 2008, I went to an ultrasound at 8w1d and found out that our baby's heart had stopped beating. Devastation does not even describe how we felt.

Okay, fast forward...

On November 2, 2009, I went to an ultrasound at 8w1d and saw my two beautiful cherubs growing like crazy with little hearts beating away. Scott was unable to get a substitute so mom (grandma) came with me. She did good...she sobbed quietly when the OB showed her the baby's heartbeats. She's told me several times since then what a moment this was for her. I was grateful to have her there, and so thrilled to watch her see her future grandbabies for the first time.

Baby A measured 8w2d with a heartbeat of 163. S/he was kind enough to give us a nice profile shot!

Baby B measured 8w2d with a heartbeat of 184...my little girl, perhaps? We'll see how the wives tale plays out. S/he appears to have given us a front/back view and looks like a little ink smudge. And a lovely one at that!

My next appointment is in two weeks, and I also have my NT scan set up for about four weeks from now. They are unable to do any of the genetic bloodwork, which scares me. I guess we'll decide how to proceed after we see the measurements from the NT scan.

For now I'm just going to sit back and smile. I'm so thankful to God for this blessing and will pray for Him to continue to watch over these little ones as they grow.

8 Week: Raspberry

2009-11-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

Baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

I Graduated! Wow!

2009-10-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

Such a bittersweet day. I woke up this morning feeling rather negative about things. I know, shocking, right? This whole symptom thing has thrown me for a loop. I guess I just always assumed the symptoms would get worse no matter what, but they sure haven't! They most definitely come and go.

Work was crazy this morning. I got stuck in another building waiting for someone that showed up 30 minutes late. I drove back to my building and my fabulous boss met me in the parking lot with my purse, a bottle of water and a banana, handed me my keys and sent me on my way.  S and I met up at our usual spot and got on the freeway...and stopped. Traffic was horrendous. So here I was late, flustered and starving. Ugh...I could have screamed.

We arrived 10 minutes late - a good recovery if I do say so myself. As I sat in the waiting room, my legs were literally shaking from the nerves. We got called back, and as soon as Dr. H walked in the room I started crying. I was SO scared. Seven weeks. Here we were at seven weeks again.  Seven weeks was when I found out that baby #1 needed a miracle to make it. Seven weeks is when I had a D&C for baby #3.  Seven weeks is a HUGE milestone for us. And man...what a milestone it was!

Baby A and Baby B both measured in at 7 weeks 1 day. Baby A had a heartbeat of 144 and Baby B had a heartbeat of 150. My babies actually GREW. What a concept! And then she said it...I don't think we need to see you again. Say huh? I graduated? But...but...I was going to bake cookies?   My little chin was on the ground - happy as can be, but sad too. I mean, I've been seeing these fabulous people pretty much bi-weekly since April of 2008. They've watched me go through SUCH a fight to get where I am. They've celebrated my ups and they've let me cry on their shoulders during the downs. And now I'm done seeing them? Bittersweet for sure. RSC has been fabulous to me and I can't WAIT for my babies to meet the people that helped us bring them into this world.

So without further ado...here are my little bugs! I am SO in love already!!!

What a Difference a Day Makes

2009-10-26T09:40:00.000-07:00

When I went to sleep last night I was positive that things were not going well. My morning sickness had been so severe the week prior, and now it was gone. I had convinced myself that my boobs were hurting less too. I was going to call my RE this morning and move up my ultrasound to today.

Then I got out of the shower this morning and threw up. Sweet halleluhah!!! Bring it on!

SO Anxious!

2009-10-25T08:21:00.000-07:00

It's been a really long week. I honestly wish the morning sickness had come back like it was on Sunday through Tuesday. Sure it was beyond miserable, but it was very reassuring. I have no reassurance right now. There have been a few moments since Wednesday where I've felt a little nauseaus, and brushing my teeth is a chore at times, but otherwise, I just don't really have it that bad...barely at all. I'm worried. I'll be worried until 2pm on Tuesday when I see my little babies again.

Week 7: Blueberry

2009-10-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

Acupuncture...the Miracle for Morning Sickness

2009-10-22T05:34:00.000-07:00

I've been doing acupuncture since May 2008 for my headaches and infertility, and it's been fabulous. I was a little out of practice, and hadn't been since my transfer in September. I've been suffering daily headaches, and then the morning sickness hit so hard, so I made an appointment and went yesterday. I still have a headache today, unfortunately, but it's almost eerie - my morning sickness is gone. Completely. In fact, I feel so good that I'm a little panicked this morning and almost wish it was back. My 7 week ultrasound can't get here soon enough. I'm so scared of losing one or both of these babies.

UPDATE: Okay, it's back. It's not as bad, but it's definitely back. Dare I say "yay"? Twisted, I know.

Breakfast of Champions!

2009-10-21T08:05:00.000-07:00

Let me start out by saying that I am VERY grateful to have morning sickness, as I've never had it before with my prior pregnancies and...well, that never turned out so well for me. Now with that said, let's get this straight. It is not morning. It is ALL darn day and night! And it's so beyond anything I could have imagined. I almost think I'd feel better if I could actually vomit, but I'm at the nausea/dry heave stage all day. We'll call it annoying and tiring at this point, but again, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. It's my babies telling me they are all good!

Babies. Wow. Still adjusting. Okay, back to my post...

My nurse, S, told me to eat something sour. That same day, a gal in my due date group on FF was talking about grapefruit juice. Well really...it doesn't get any more sour than that, right? But I was hesitant. Seems like the last thing you would want on the verge of vomit, right? Well, my darling husband picked up some unsweetened, sugarfree grapefruit juice for me last night - figured we'd give it a whirl. This morning I poured myself a glass to take my thyroid meds with. I'll be darned...it was much more refreshing than I expected. I chased it down with a few gingersnaps, and I can honestly say, I feel pretty good for the moment (knock on wood). So that will be my new morning staple. Or all day staple, as the case may be.

In other news, the scale has been kind. I really wasn't expecting it to be, given that I feel like a cow right now. Bloat is an understatement. Is it possible that these babies are giving me a bump already? It sure looks like it! Anyway, I kinda looked at the scale, then looked to the heavens and jumped on. I was ELATED to see that I haven't gained a pound since my transfer on 9/25. Woot! Let's see how long I can hold the weight gain at bay!

God Has Blessed Us...TWICE!!!

2009-10-18T17:47:00.000-07:00

Well, almost three times technically.

I can not tell you how nervous I was as Dr. H went in to check things out. Within a moment, I was in tears. But my tears were tears of joy, not tears of sadness. For the first time in four pregnancies, we had a healthy heartbeat at 6 weeks!!!

Baby A measured 6w2d and had a heartbeat of 110 bpm.

Baby B measured 5w6d and had a heartbeat of 107 bpm.

Baby C only had a gestational sac, and it is unlikely that a yolk sac or fetal pole will develop. In fact, Dr. H suspects that the sac will be gone when we go back on October 27.

I think I'm still in shock. I knew twins was a possiblity. I knew a heartbeat today was a possiblity. I just didn't expect it. Two healthy babies! What a blessing!

Baby A is on top, Baby B is on the bottom. It's actually the opposite in my uterus - Baby A is on the bottom and Baby B is on top. Baby C is off to the right of Baby A, but is not in the photo because of the angle. The angle is also the reason that the sacs appear to be different sizes, but they really only differ by a fraction of a centimeter.

It Was a Rough Night

2009-10-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

We had great plans for last night - we were so excited for dinner with two of our favorite couples. I had lounged around for most of the day relaxing. I got up to shower and get ready at about 3pm. At 4pm we were getting ready to walk out the door and I felt like something was "there". I went to the bathroom and was devastated to find pink on the toilet paper. The next wipe was red. And then more red. I sat on the toilet crying, thinking here we go again. I pulled out my miscarriage panties and the big granny pad, and cancelled with my friends.

I called the clinic, and fortunately my RE was the one on call. She was so calm. She told me that there are many reasons for people to bleed in early pregnancy - that it is very common. She said that if I am carrying twins, it's even more common. She also said that people on Lovenox often bleed more than someone not on it. She told me to skip the baby aspirin tonight, drink my water, stay on bedrest for the night, and she moved my ultrasound up. It's now at 12:45 today. I'm SO grateful that she is working today.

The bleeding turned to brown last night, and this morning is very scant. I'm feeling relieved, but I can't lie...I'm in a total panic about my ultrasound this morning. I know that we may or may not see a heartbeat, being at 6 weeks today. But it will be hard to be hopeful, given my past, if we don't see a heartbeat today.

Please keep our baby(s) in your prayers. I just CAN'T lose another one.

Week 6: Sweet Pea

2009-10-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

Longest.Week.Ever!

2009-10-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

Six weeks tomorrow. This week of waiting has been excruitiating for me. With past pregnancies, my betas were so questionable that I was getting them checked up to 5 times. This time I only had 3 betas, and the 3rd one was at my request. So I've had a LONG wait since the last check on this little one.

My ultrasound couldn't get here soon enough. I'm scared out of my mind that we won't see a heartbeat. My past has really ruined this time for us. I've tried not to think about it as much as possible and have tried to enjoy the moment. I'm just not sure what I'm going to do if we lose this pregnancy.

As far as symptoms, my boobs are REALLY sore. I'm tempted to say more sore than in previous pregnancies, but it's hard to compare. I get up to pee about 2-3 times a night - that has been fun! I don't really have morning sickness yet - now and then I get a little wave of nausea but nothing consistent and nothing near the point of vomitting. I think I've only gagged on my toothbrush once. I've been fighting a headache for days - assuming from the step down from caffeine. I miss real coffee already, but it's an easy sacrifice. Oh, and I'm TIRED. OMG I'm SO freaking tired! About 2pm in the afternoon I seem to hit the wall, and hard. It has made work very difficult. I guess I'll start taking a power nap at lunchtime!

PIO has been...well, a pain in the ass. LOL! We started heating the oil before injecting and that seems to be helping keep the lumps down. Thankfully my husband is a ROCK STAR with injections and has only hurt me a few times. 4 weeks down, 6 weeks to go. That's 42 more injections.

Please pray for a heartbeat - at least one healthy heartbeat. Just a few more days to go...

Week 5: Appleseed

2009-10-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

Your embryo (looking kind of like a tadpole) is starting to form major organs (heart, kidney, liver, stomach) and systems (nervous, circulatory, digestive). Baby's presence in your uterus triggers production of hCG (the hormone detected by pregnancy tests)... which triggers production of other hormones like estrogen and progesterone... which trigger all those great symptoms you've probably been noticing!

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

Well, this never happens!

2009-10-09T08:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's beta BLEW me OUT of the water. Do you know that my highest beta for 18dpo was 330? And did you know that I'm now above the average for twin AND triplet+ pregnancies according to betabase.info?

     Single pregnancy at 18dpo: 406
     Twin pregnancy at 18dpo: 803
     Triplet+ pregnancy at 18dpo: 1171

     My beta yesterday at 18dpo: 2783

Breathe, sigh, breathe, sigh...

I know if God gives us triplets, it's because he thinks we can handle it. But we're hoping God blesses us with twins. Heatlhy, beautiful twins! We'd be just as thrilled with one healthy baby too. We're already so blessed and so grateful.

For your viewing pleasure:

Okay, let's all faint together!

2009-10-05T17:28:00.000-07:00

I honestly can't believe it. I was hoping for 450 to 500. I got 554. Yes, that is 554 at 15dpo. HOLY COW!!!!

My progesterone was a wee bit lower than Dr. H would like to see it given my beta. It's at 23.5 after Prometrium 2x a day and 1cc of PIO per day, so we're increasing the PIO to 1.5cc a day. I'm tempted to self medicate with a third Prometrium dose. I mean, I can't get THIS far and then have progesterone take me down. Though, if Dr. H was overly concerned, she would have increased it. She said she just didn't want to take any chances with me. I think she wants this baby as much as we do!

She also said that she suspects I'm currently pregnant with multiples. Now before we all get excited (aka freak the heck out), she reminded me of my past and asked me to please not get too attached to the concept. She told me she didn't want me to be disappointed at my ultrasound on the 20th. I told her the only thing that would disappoint me would be the lack of a heartbeat. One baby, two babies, three babies...that's not for me to choose at this point, it's in God's hands. And for those of you that want the three theme to continue, we don't, so stop it! LOL!

About the ultrasound - I'll be 6w2d. I tried to move up my appointment, but Dr. H is in surgery on Friday and off on Monday. So we have to wait ALL the way until October 20th to find out what's really going on. Mom, that means no shopping...okay? Put the credit card DOWN and step AWAY from the internet!

Sigh...big day. My cup runneth over!

Tap...tap...tap...

2009-10-05T09:07:00.000-07:00

I hate waiting for betas! I'll admit it, I'm a little nervous this morning.

Surely that is justified given my past. And even if this beta is sky high (please God let it be over 450 minimum), I'll still find something else to worry about. Infertility and miscarriage have put a dark cloud over what should be an absolutely amazing time. Don't get me wrong -- I'm thrilled, I'm excited, I'm hopeful...but I'm scared out of my ever-loving mind!

I went by Mimi's this morning and picked up my bracelet. I'm so thrilled to have it back in my posession. I'm so darn lucky, too. God bless the kind person who turned it in. Good karma awaits you.

Tap...tap...tap...ring phone, ring! Though I've got HOURS ahead of me still. Sigh...breathe in, breathe out!

Weeks 3 and 4: Poppyseed

2009-10-04T18:21:00.000-07:00

In week 3, sperm meets egg, and voila: conception! Your little zygote sets off on a six-day trek through your fallopian tubes, dividing and redividing into identical cells as it travels to your uterus.

In week 4, now safe in your womb, the ball of cells (blastocyst) splits in two, becoming the embryo and the placenta. The amniotic sac and fluid are forming around baby, and will act as a cushion for the next eight months.

Photo and text courtesy of thebump.com

Shocking, I know

2009-10-04T08:42:00.000-07:00

I didn't test this morning. Shocking, I know. I sent Scott out to who knows how many stores last night to find Answer EPTs (and rainbow sherbert) so I could stay consistent with the brand. When he got home with them, I had some hesitation about using them. My tests have been SO beautiful up to this point. My beta was beyond explanation yesterday. I'm just overjoyed with this pregnancy so far. So WHY would I take the chance of ruining that joy by seeing a variation of the dye? Sure, it would have been great to see a nice, dark line this morning to add to the progression, but I think I'm done with HPTs for a while. I'll pass the two Answer brand and one CBE Digital on to a friend who is TTC.

Whew...this is just SO darn refreshing. I hope I'm not jinxing myself by feeling this confident about things. I just know that God has my back this time. PRAISE GOD!!!

And the bad news. I have...well, had a beautiful bracelet that my Miracle Chaser girls made for me after we lost angel #3. It had 3 clear butterflies surrounded by pink and blue beads with tiny pearls in between. Near the clasp was a little heart charm.

I didn't wear the bracelet regularly because it was too special and I feared losing it. But I did wear it to my transfer, and to my beta yesterday. Well, somewhere between breakfast and home, my bracelet disappeared. Mom said my bracelet flew away to be with my angels. I'm just devastated.

UPDATE 3:45PM 10/04/09: I have the best news EVER! The restaurant just called. They found my bracelet! I'm picking it up tomorrow. I'm SO flipping happy right now!!!!!

My beta results are in!

2009-10-03T14:02:00.000-07:00

I am in SHOCK!

My first pregnancy at 14dpo was 47.
My second pregnancy at 14dpo was 13.
My third pregnancy at 13dpo was 74.

This pregnancy...196. I couldn't help but curse in the poor nurses ear when I replied "Are you effing kidding me". LOL!

I think we're going to have a baby. Or two, maybe. PRAISE GOD!!!

It's beta day! Please God, let it be over 100!

2009-10-03T07:14:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling pretty good about my beta, but definitely don't feel it will be sky high based on my HPT comparisons this morning. My guess is it will fall between 100 and 130, and that will be fabulous for me! My HPTs are still getting darker, so that is a good sign!

I'm still very concerned about the lack of symptoms. My breasts don't hurt AT all and it's freaking me out. It's the only thing that is really stomping on my joy with this pregnancy. The only thing I really have is a strong sense of smell and severe, and I mean SEVERE, heartburn.

7dp5dt - I'm really thrilled!

2009-10-02T06:46:00.000-07:00

With all of my pregnancies, I've hoped that my tests would progress like the tests of all those other girls. You know, the ones that got pregnant in the first few months or...gasp...accidentally. I couldn't be more thrilled with how this baby is growing. I know I'm not out of the woods given my past, but this is a FABULOUS start, and it's what I always hoped to see.

I talked to my nurse yesterday - she's on vacation but called me from home. She said she could hear a difference in my voice, that I was happier and less concerned that I have been with previous pregnancies. She's right. This is PURE JOY!

6dp5dt - HPT Progression

2009-10-01T05:41:00.000-07:00

It's so nice to see the tests doing what they are supposed to do. They are actually getting darker, and it's still VERY early! I think this lil' bug may actually be a healthy one...or two! I'd be pleased as punch with one very healthy baby!

I don't have many symptoms, which is bothersome. Little waves of nausea started last night but nothing extreme or really noteable, and I've got a bit of cramping on and off - nothing bad, totally normal. I do have the smell thing happening. It smelled like maple syrup when I left work yesterday! I have no idea where it was coming from but it smelled so good! My concern is that my boobs don't hurt AT ALL though. Zero sensitivity. This is been my main symptom for my three previous pregancies. I'm stumped!

I'm anxious for my beta. 2 more days!

Well, it's offiical...I'm PREGNANT!

2009-09-30T18:16:00.000-07:00

Clearblue Easy Digital told me so! Ah...it's a beautiful thing!

I can tell you that my heart was beating out of my chest waiting for that loverly word. PREGNANT! Joy! I'm going to embrace each day of this pregnancy, and remain hopeful and optimistic that this little bug will land in our arms in June.

5dp5dt - What is that I see?

2009-09-30T08:12:00.000-07:00

Two days ago we thought we saw a shadow of something. Yesterday we were sure we saw a line, but we weren't sure if it was real or an evaporation line. Today, well, today we're sure...it's a beautiful, pink line!

We're obviously VERY cautious at this point, but we're very excited too. This is our second chance at having a June baby or two. Or three. Uh oh!

My beta is on Saturday. Please GOD let it be a good one! We're begging and pleading for a healthy baby.

EDD June 13, 2010

4dp5dt - Well, I dunno...I see something, I think

2009-09-29T18:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, what the heck. Light as light can be...in fact, I'm sure you won't be able to see it. I'm still not sure if we can see it in person, but we think we can. Those of you that are professional HPT analyzers will do okay, but the rest of you need to back away from the screen and don't look too hard. ;-)

It's still a day earlier than I tested positive for my previous transfer, and things are progressively going in the right direction, but I'm not ready to claim this is a positive yet.

As Karen would say...

2009-09-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

...I think I see where the line is SUPPOSED to be. Keep in mind, it's WAY too early for me to be testing so I will not be upset if no one else can see it. Heck, I'm not sure I can see it, and Scott thinks it's an optical illusion. Yep, I'm trippin for sure! But this gives me a tiny glimmer of hope to get through until tomorrow night!

And tweaked at 100% saturation...

3dp5dt - I'm just not feeling it...

2009-09-28T10:17:00.000-07:00

I pray to God that I am wrong. I wasn't feeling it at 3dp5dt after my IVF either, and three days later I got a BFP. Here's to Wednesday, and the hope for two pink lines!

It's amazing that my boobs don't hurt considering how many times I've smashed the hell out of them over the past 24 hours. But unfortunately, nothing. Not one iota of tenderness to speak of. Sigh. Such is life, right?

Symptoms to take note of:
* Crampy in my uterus - often off to the right side only. Funny, since there is no corpus luteaum to cause any pain. Who knows...I had this same thing going on last month. Cramps are usually a good sign for me, but she fished around a lot doing my transfer, so my cervix could be yelling back at me.
* Little bouts of nausea here and there, but not enough to make me think, hey, morning sickness. It's too early anyways. But oh how I would love to barf right about now.
* Serious hot flashes yesterday. Turn the A/C on. Turn it off. Turn it on. Then again, it was 100 degrees.

I can't imagine this not working. It has to work. I told my girlfriend, Pam, that I'd almost rather have another m/c then to get a BFN. How sick is that? My mind is surely twisted and jaded from the past year. I SO want to move on with my friends and be pregnant. I don't want to be left TTC into a 6th year.

Lord, please hear my prayers.

2dp5dt - Bring on the symptoms!

2009-09-27T17:51:00.001-07:00

Well I was super crampy Friday and Saturday, but absolutely nothing today. Could have been implantation, but I woke up with a bad feeling that this transfer has failed. Not a good morning. I have been optimistic about every single transfer I've had, but for some reason, I'm not feeling it this time. I don't want to feel that way but I do, and I really hope I'm wrong. I looked back through my journal, and I need sore boobs and AF cramps to come on Monday/Tuesday. So BRING it on please.

9/25/09 - It's TRANSFER day!!!

2009-09-27T17:50:00.001-07:00

I battled with the decision of 3 vs. 4 all day yesterday, and even waking up this morning wondered if I should call and have #4 thawed. As I was getting ready, I put on my necklace from my miscarriage group - three pearls on a lily pad, I put on my bracelet from my Miracle Chaser support group - three butterflies, I thought of my three angels in heaven, and that physic that kept saying she saw the number three. Our embryos had no thaw issues, and three little ones are now in my womb. My beta is on the 3rd, ironically enough. I'm no longer questioning my decision. The message doesn't get any more clearer than that!

Here are our cold, lil' snowbabies all cuddled up still. We all laughed about the one that is flat on the side, and agreed that s/he took after daddy's side of the family.

9/24/09 - What to do, what to do???

2009-09-27T17:48:00.001-07:00

Our dilema...I have four day 6 blasts in the lab (4BB, 4BB, 4BB-, 3BB-). My transfer is tomorrow and my RE is waiting on my decision to put in the lab order:

Your name is written on my hand as I remembered last night when I was in a meeting that I hadn’t circled back to you. (Luckily I didn’t shower it off this morning!)

I heard back, and Dr Ivani, the lab director, did not feel it would be good to thaw and biopsy and rethaw your 4th embryo. It could be done, but not great if it was in fact a healthy embryo to impact it in such a way. Therefore she recommended either 4 or just 3 and save the 4th. Several of the docs were OK with 4 embryos to transfer given your situation. I am still uncomfortable with that as I have seen triplets in folks like you. However, If you want all 4, I will do that.

Please email me back with the number you want as I need to put the lab orders in today. Cant wait!

Here is the deal though, if we have to do IVF again, we're doing PGD testing, so this fourth blastocyst, if we don't transfer it now, may never get transferred. BUT, I do not want to carry more than two babies. I'm not sure my body can handle it at this age and I don't want the risk to the babies.

**********************

I think I'm leaning towards three, just because I do not want to carry trips and I absolutely will NOT reduce. But ugh...then I lean back to four because of the chromosomal issues. I guess I'm still very much mulling it over. LOL! I told her I'd have an answer by 11:00 AM. One more hour.

**********************

Okay, done deal! I'm very much at peace with this decision.

My message:

After racking my brain of every scenario vs. outcome, I’ve decided that I would like to thaw and transfer three. If there is any quality degradation, I would like to thaw the fourth and transfer it as well. I figured that is the closest way of putting this decision into God’s hands – we’ll let the embryos decide.

RE's immediate response:

I think that is a great decision, and as I said before, if the 1st 3 don’t make it despite looking good, I doubt the 4th would have been the solution. If there is any question about the quality upon thaw, I will have the lab thaw the 4th.

9/23/09 - Ouch!

2009-09-27T17:43:00.001-07:00

My shots have been hurting. The PIO needle and Lovenox meds are both stinging like mad. But on we go...it's for baby! Babies!

9/18/09 - FET #2 date set!

2009-09-27T17:42:00.001-07:00

My transfer date is locked in!!! I start progesterone shots and suppositories on Sunday, steroid and antibiotic on Tuesday, transfer is on Friday. My beta to confirm pregnancy is 10/3. My due date will be June 12, 2010. My due date from my first pregnancy was June 9, 2009.

9/17/09 - FET #2 Ultrasound

2009-09-27T17:41:00.001-07:00

Back in the saddle...here we go again!

Heading in for an ultrasound and bloodwork today. Today's appointment is to check to make sure I don't have active follicles - the body has to be suppressed for a frozen embryos transfer so we don't want my natural cycle interfering with the medical override, and to make sure my uterine lining is nice and thick. If all is well, I will start progesterone shots, a steroid and an antibiotic in the coming week and transfer will be next week.

Dr. H doesn't think four will happen after all, so we're back to three for now. RSC is very conservative about preventing high order multiples. She had to send an email to all of the doctors at the clinic. They each will review my history and decide on three or four. She feels that ultimately she won't get the majority to approve transferring four. We'll see.

Still waiting on the call for my transfer date. I'm anxious to have a final schedule!

9/8/09 - FET #2 Schedule

2009-09-27T17:40:00.001-07:00

Okay, here we go!

9/05/09 - CD1
9/06/09 - Start Estrogen & Baby Aspirin
9/17/09 - Ultrasound/Estrogen Test/Acupuncture
9/19/09 - Start Progesterone Shots
9/25/09 - Transfer 3-4 Embryos/Pre & Post Acupuncture
10/3/09 - Beta!!!
6/12/10 - Due Date!!!

9/7/09 - AF with a vengeance

2009-09-27T17:39:00.001-07:00

AF came on with a VENGEANCE on Saturday morning. HEAVY bleeding, bad cramping. We didn't let it put a damper on our weekend, but it was quite the nuisance. Started estrogen on Sunday. Frozen embryo transfer will be the week of 9/21. Due date: June 2010!!!!!

8/20/09 - D&C Follow-up Appt

2009-09-27T17:38:00.001-07:00

Good appt today. Ovaries are working, egg white CM is active (estrogen pumping) and I've got follicles cooking. My lining looked GREAT, triple stripe - slightly thicker on the side the baby implanted on but no complications from the D&C. Whew!

The pathology reports were back. My baby was a girl. I am crying SO hard right now. She had a severe and very rare chromosomal abnormality called tetrapoloid. When the emybyo was dividing, one of the cells got on the wrong side and continued to divide. A normal baby is 46XX or 46XY. She was 92XXXX – four times the normal chromosomes. A tetraploid baby is not compatible with life, so she never would have made it.

Dr. Hinckley shocked the shit out of me. I said "so I should call you when I get the 2nd AF"? And she said "No, call me when you get the next one and we'll start getting you ready for next transfer". We're going to transfer three this time, and if there is any quality degradation, then we'll transfer four. Yikes! Quads!

She said AF should show in about two weeks. That would put transfer around September 20 - 26. Any babies conceived would be due late June/early July 2010.

Back in business!

8/11/09 - A precious gift

2009-09-27T17:35:00.001-07:00

I received THE most precious gift today from two girls from my November miscarriage support group. Everyone in that group is pregnant again but me. They sent this (the one on the right) saying that they thought it was a gentle way for me to carry my three babies (one pearl for each) with me. I am so touched.

Photo courtesy of Red Envelope.

8/8/09 - Recovering

2009-09-27T17:31:00.003-07:00

Just spotting again this morning, but I'm keeping this flight landing diaper of a pad in place just in case. Do y'all know how much I HATE these "regular" panties too. I miss my thongs.

8/8/09 - Feeling horrible

2009-09-27T17:31:00.001-07:00

My boss told me when I left work yesterday that I looked really bad, very pale. I came home from work with a headache...migraine actually, that I had been fighting the whole afternoon. I took my Colace and motrin at 6:30 and went to bed. Yes, at 6:30 PM. Woke up at 3:30 to pretty bad cramping. ***TMI***Got up, went to the bathroom and I was covered in blood. My panties, my PJs, and it had just hit the sheets. Scott was so sweet to change the sheets while I was cleaning myself up. I passed a few rather large clots...lining I suppose. My RE had told me that she had taken less rather than more because she didn't want to scar my uterus. I guess my body has just kicked in to clean out the rest. I seem to be okay this morning - just heavy bleeding. My head still hurts and my face is swollen like I cried all night even though I didn't. I guess I'll be laying VERY low this weekend.

This SUCKS.

8/4/09 - Feeling so alone

2009-09-27T17:29:00.001-07:00

I don't really need anyone to be there, per say, since the physical part of this will happen in a hospital. My mom will be with me tomorrow, and tomorrow will be the worst of it, I'd imagine.

But a phone call saying, "Is there anything I can do" or something like that would have been nice. I always get the "I haven't called because I don't know what to say". And they don't even call me about their own drama because they don't want to add additional stress. I feel like infertility has completely isolated me from my friends and ruined my life. I hate it.

8/3/09 - 6w6d - D&C Scheduled

2009-09-27T17:27:00.001-07:00

No heartbeat. No growth. I'm having a D&C Wednesday so they can test the baby/placenta to see if it's an abnormal male/female or a normal male/female.

Scott and I had a pitcher of margaritas tonight...whew...I'm QUITE the light weight these days.

I'll stay on progesterone for two more days to keep from m/c naturally. The whole reason for the D&C is so we can test the baby/placenta and get some answers. My mom will come out tomorrow night and stay over to take me. Scott started back to teaching this week and there is no reason for him to be there for this.

Numb...just numb.

7/31/09 - 6w3d - Threatened Miscarriage

2009-09-27T17:24:00.001-07:00

I had SEVERE cramping in the middle of the night. Fully expected to wake up covered in blood. I never did talk to my RE yesterday, but I need to talk to her today. This cramping was not normal. It was far worse than any TOM cramping I've ever had. It was right up there with my m/c cramps in November. I don't think my pregnancy will make it. I do think my body is trying to expel this baby.

My ultrasound today confirmed what I was feeling. No yolk sac, no heartbeat, just a little fetal pole measuring at 6 weeks with no cardiac activity. I've been downgraded from "High Risk Pregnancy" to "Threatened Miscarriage". I go in on Monday to confirm that there is still no heartbeat, and then I'll be scheduled for a D&C next week. She said that based on how horrific my November m/c was that she didn't want me to go through that again, and she wants to be able to test the fetus for defects.

We'll transfer two more frozen blastocysts, then we'll move on to another fresh cycle before the end of the year and save the two other frozen blasts for later.

This is so unreal.

7/30/09 - Bleeding Scare

2009-09-27T17:23:00.001-07:00

Had a scare last night. Thought it was over. I was sitting on the couch and got bad period cramps. Went to the bathroom and had red blood. Got out the "miscarriage panties" and a pad. Expected it to be over this morning - even talked to my nurse about it last night. This morning there was nothing on the pad. I have brown spotting (old blood), but cramping is gone and no red blood. I have NO idea what is going on, but I'm thankful for another day of this pregnancy.

7/29/09 - 6w1d Ultrasound

2009-09-27T17:21:00.001-07:00

I don't have a good update, but it could be worse. So there is a baby, and s/he is growing, but s/he is growing VERY slowly. We were able to see a dot of a baby. She couldn't measure my yolk sac because it was blending in with the edge of the gestational sac and the placenta (if I understood her correctly) and she couldn't get a clear enough image of the edges. She *thought* she could see cardiac activity when we zoomed in, but barely. She said she had hoped to have seen more today based on where I was on Sunday. It really can go either way for us at this point. I go back in on Monday at 4:15 to see if there is a heartbeat or not.

7/27/09 - 5w6d - I'm a little bit angry

2009-09-27T17:16:00.003-07:00

Beta was 5503, which is average for 26dpo, but not that great considering where I was at 20dpo. It really could go either way. We could be repeating my pregnancy from last year, or we could be okay. The next appointment will be the turning point...either there will be a heartbeat, or there will not. If there isn't, then this probably isn't going to end well for me.

I'm relatively calm. Maybe numb is more like it. A little bit angry that something that comes all too easy for so many people is so heartbreaking and difficult for me. Like I'm cursed or being punished. I just don't get it. But it is what it is. I can't change it...all I can do is hope for the best.

7/26/09 - 5w5d - Measuring behind :(

2009-09-27T17:16:00.001-07:00

Well, we saw a gestational sac measuring behind at 5 weeks (should be 5w5d), and the yolk sac which I couldn't see, but the RE did. No fetal pole yet. She didn't seem concerned - said this was exactly what she expected to see at this stage, but the fact that we are measuring behind (again) concerns me.

Waiting on my beta/P4 still. I was scheduled for my 6 week u/s on Tuesday, but we moved it out to Friday so we have a better shot at seeing a heartbeat. This is just ALL to similar to my first pregnancy/loss. All I can do is pray and have hope for this little one.

I hate that I have so much fear and so little joy about something that should be the absolute BEST thing in my life.

7/25/09 - 5w4d - Spotting and Cramping

2009-09-27T17:15:00.001-07:00

Looks like I might be losing #3. Cramping and spotting. I have an appointment tomorrow for my blood draw to see if my HCG has dropped. It's not looking good at all. I just can't even believe this is happening to me.

ETA: Just got off the phone with Sara. They're going to do an u/s tomorrow. Hopefully we see a little heart beating away. Hopefully.

7/23/09 - 5w2d - Let's talk PIO

2009-09-27T17:12:00.001-07:00

Let's talk about PIO. First shot - not that bad, second shot - no problem, third shot - bled and bruised. Fast forward to a week later, and all the injection sites are sore and lumpy, which is apparently normal. I feel asleep last night with a heating pad (not electic - one that you microwave) laying over my poor hips. I can't imagine 5 more weeks of this. Seems like it's going to be hard to find a spot to inject once it's all sore and lumpy. But whatever hte baby needs, I'll do it.

I'm TERRIFED about my u/s on Tuesday. I mean, I'm calm and relaxed now, but OMG. PLEASE GOD let his/her heart be beating up a storm.

Symptom ramblings...
-Boobs are still sore - they kinda go in and out in intensity and never seem to hurt when I first wake up but I've gotten used to it so I don't panic anymore.
-I'm TIRED...would LOVE a nap at 2pm, and I'm usually in bed by 8-9pm and zonked OUT these days.
-Peeing a lot, but I'm drinking a lot of water.
-Eating way too much, but luckily not gaining any weight. Need to get a grip on this STAT. Meat is an issue and I need to start subbing protein somehow. Will ask Dr. H what she suggests. Trying to much on fruits and not carbs, but carbs are calling to me.
-Gagged brushing my teeth this morning which thrilled me to no end!